


There Is No Road Map To Your Life

by truelyesoteric



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Community: paperlegends, Death in Past Life, M/M, Merlin Big Bang Challenge, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 08:39:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truelyesoteric/pseuds/truelyesoteric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He will rise to greatness as you stand in his shadow. Yours will be the last face he sees.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Arthur has lived and died twenty-one times. Merlin has been there for all of his lives and deaths, he had been walking the earth since their first one. Arthur only remembers his current life. Merlin remembers everything.</p><p>This is the twenty-second life. Things are going a bit differently. Arthur is American for one, but that really is the least of this life's strangeness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Is No Road Map To Your Life

 

  
  
PROLOGUE

 

It was how it would always be.

The King and his Sorcerer.

The Statesman and his Magician.

The Prince and the Servant.

The Warrior and the Gifted.

Arthur and Merlin.

&

Somewhere between the beginning and the undefined end, there was a moment.

Everybody had given up pretense of working and had abandoned their desks long ago. They had been glued to the bank of televisions in the bullpen. On all of the screens, Uther Pendragon was sitting in front of the House Committee, waiting to see if Congress would accept his nomination to be Secretary of State.

His staff was at a standstill, watching the former General and current Senator, in front of an almost hostile Congress. Uther Pendragon, their fearless leader, stood tall and proud and answered questions with an almost contained arrogance.

The hearings had gone on all day, and it looked promising. Uther was looking like the kind of man every president would want in his Cabinet.

In Uther’s office, everyone was starting to go a little stir crazy. By the end of the day, their jobs would either stay the same or drastically change. All of the office was in a holding pattern, waiting to learn what direction their careers would go.

The general air of anxiety that pervaded the office was making the whole room tense, but nobody could look away from the hearings on the television.

It was Gwen who brought attention to the significance of the date to Morgana. They decided that it would be a perfect distraction from the waiting.

According to the paperwork on file, Merlin Emrys was turning twenty-seven. With a quick call, pastries were ordered. Morgana had found hats and noisemakers. It wasn’t long before everyone at HQ was around a cake blazing with twenty-five candles. To be fair, it was two candles short, but on such short notice, it was more than enough. The office just seemed to be happy for a distraction.

Merlin had known everyone on the staff for a year, and he had known many of them off and on for the last millennia and a half. It was comforting. There were so many years that he was without them, and when he had their familiar faces around him, it was like being at home.

Face lit by the candles, Merlin looked up. Arthur was grinning at him, his smile slightly imperfect and pure white. He looked exasperated at Merlin’s pointed party hat and contented grin that dominated his face.

That was his Arthur, the focal point that his immortal magic life was tethered to.

For a second, he forgot the thousands of years he was alone. He forgot the times he watched Arthur die. He forgot everything but the smile in Arthur’s blue-grey eyes. For all of Merlin’s control and careful caution, a thought crossed his mind before he could stop it.

Every feeling that he knew enough to name, he had felt with Arthur. Devotion, love, hate, joy, freedom, friendship, power, anything that made him feel alive had been experienced with those eyes looking at him.

He was looking at Arthur when he blew out the candles. He was lost in this thoughts of the past.

One wish crossed his mind.

_I wish he knew all of what he was._

The candles went out.

Merlin felt his body go cold at the realization of what he had done. Immediately, he tried everything in his considerable power to draw that back. He wasn't the kind of person who should make wishes.

He was magic personified; he couldn’t afford to be careless with desires.

Merlin couldn't tear his eyes away from Arthur's. He watched it happen, the voices of colleagues speaking around him swirled and became muddled.

All he saw was Arthur's eyes. They seemed to shift colors, from blue to grey and then taking on a bit of green. Arthur blinked rapidly, his pupils dilating and unable to focus. Behind his eyes, Arthur seemed be lost in thought. Merlin had the feeling that there were old memories taking root in the new incarnation of Arthur.

He slowly started to sway.

Arthur looked over at Merlin with a mix of accusation and betrayal, his eyes alarmed.

Then Arthur passed out.

Merlin was by his side immediately. Even Merlin wasn’t certain if he had used magic or not to move across the room to Arthur’s side. He didn’t care, he couldn’t care.

For the first time since Arthur’s first death, Merlin stared down at him, knowing that Arthur remembered everything.

 

  


PART ONE

But that wasn't the start of this lifetime.

The start of this life was when an eighty-year-old man was sitting in Chinatown in London, watching the summer festivities. He had done a wonderful job of avoiding people and crowds for a very long time. He had traveled the world, lived in yurts and hovels, generally avoiding everything and everybody. He liked being nothing more than an old man who nobody paid attention to.

A few years ago, the itching began. He had tried to ignore it, tried to just brush it off, but he knew. He had spent a considerable amount of time dragging his feet. He had posed the question over and over again if there was anything in this destiny thing for him anymore. He had cursed fate. He had drunk a little more than necessary, but in the end, he had boarded a plane and flown back to England.

When he arrived, he took in the changes, finding comfort in the things that were still similar. There were bricks in buildings that he had watched being placed, but as always, humankind had added and modernized. He felt both proud and intimidated by how the country had shaped itself.

After a bit of wandering around, he set off to Chinatown to find the dragon.

Because that is what he did.

He wandered around, knowing that it wouldn’t be long. Sure enough, he had barely walked a block when a small boy approached him, selling dragon flags.

The man stared at them for a second, taking in the assortment of cheap souvenirs. A bit of resignation came to his face, and he selected one seemingly at random with thickly gnarled fingers.

The old man looked at the little flag, red and emblazoned with a golden dragon, before giving the boy before dropping far too many coins in the boy’s hand. Transaction complete, the boy gave him a wave and walked off.

There was much fanfare, and the smells of food were everywhere, but the old man was focusing on the little flag in his hands.

"Kilgharrah," the man finally acknowledged. "Been some time."

"Has it?" the dragon on the flag said.

The man gazed at the woman singing in the square, backed by two younger women. Having purposefully ignored the dragon over the last few decades, he was a little uncomfortable.

His voice was far away when he broke the silence. "He will rise to greatness as I stand in his shadow. Mine will be the last face he sees."

"I've said that," Kilgharrah said with absentminded pride.

It was the last thing the flesh and blood dragon had said to him, soon after Arthur’s first death. He hadn’t been in his right mind, had been clouded with grief and had nearly killed Kilgharrah. He had been distraught that it had all been ordained, that he was helpless against it.

Years later, it was much the same.

That had been long ago. The dragon was long dead, but his spirit would show up in his likenesses. When there was the image of a dragon, Kilgharrah could appear.

No matter what name he used in each lifetime, in his heart, he would always be Merlin

"You've said it often," Merlin said softly. "You've said it twenty-one times.”

It was the last piece of prophecy, the one announced after Arthur's first death, entwining the Once and Future King and his Always Sorcerer. Showing the true nature of being two sides of one coin. Kilgharrah said it every time, and twenty times, Merlin had sought the Once and Future King. One time he hadn’t.

"Well, this is twenty-two," Kilgharrah said.

Merlin had expected that much. It was time again.

"Let me guess, a babe born in Albion?" Merlin said, resigned to this lot in his very long life.

"If I tell you, will you go to him?" Kilgarrah asked.

Merlin was silent for a moment. Last time, he hadn’t even tried to find Arthur, letting the child live in peace. His reasoning, formulated by far too much time alone, was that if Merlin wasn’t there, no harm would come to Arthur.

It hadn’t mattered. Things had ended up the same as they always had. Merlin had watched as Arthur had breathed his last of that life. It didn’t matter that it had been the first time that he had seen him that time around.

Their fate was their fate.

Arthur would live, he would be great, and before his time, he would die. He would be brilliant, and Merlin would live and laugh by Arthur’s side. Every time Arthur died, so did a part of Merlin. Sometimes he wondered how he had any parts left.

"I hoped that if he didn't see my face, then he wouldn't have to die. One gets tired of it over and over again," Merlin said.

The dragon looked at him warily.

"You were in a little cottage in war-torn France, and an RAF pilot came through your roof," Kilgarrah said. "Fate has a way of finding you. But you didn’t seek the boy out. You weren’t there, and that time, he didn't achieve greatness. England burned. Was that long ago?"

Merlin sighed. "It was seventy years ago, I don't think it was my fault that Germany bombed England. "

The dragon on the banner considered this.

"You made a choice, young magician," Kilgarrah finally said. "Everyone is affected by your choices. What could have been is no longer."

Merlin didn't say anything. Regret and doubt over the past had never helped anyone or anything.

"Ready or not, it is time to move on," Kilgarrah told him.

"A babe born in Albion?" Merlin prompted.

"Not this time," Kilgarrah told him. "A babe was born in New York, eighteen years ago."

Merlin stared so incredulously at the flag that it nearly caught fire with the intensity of his gaze.

"I couldn't find you," Kilgarrah told him. The little drawing of the dragon seemed to convey annoyance.

"The Once and Future King of Britain is an American?" Merlin asked with disbelief.

"It isn't the first time he wasn't born in the Isles," Kilgarrah pointed out.

"India and the Caribbean," Merlin pointed out. "Still British, they were."

“He’s in America,” the Dragon told him.

“Bloody fucking hell,” the old man muttered finally standing up. “He’s an American.”

He heard laughter and dropped the dragon flag.

As he walked away, the old man changed. It happened in a shimmer that nobody noticed in the midst of singers and confetti and great paper dragons. No longer was there an old man. Instead, there was an eighteen-year-old boy with dark hair and remarkable ears.

People took notice of him now, in a way that they didn’t when he was an old man.

He walked with determination, muttering to himself. It sounded strangely like – "bloody fucking Arthur, never where he’s supposed to be."

&

Merlin was on a plane a few days later. He had a suitcase and a passport, declaring him a citizen of the British Empire yet again.

For the first time in his life, he was going to the United States of America. He had been to the area once, when it had been the Colonies. Arthur had been born in the Caribbean, back in the days of malaria and the New World. He had escaped a slave revolt, unbeknownst to him, with Merlin’s magic help. They had spent a year going up the coast, trying to get back to England. It was always those times, the two of them in quasi peril, that seemed to be the most fun.

Merlin stared out the window of the airplane throughout the long flight across the ocean. He tried not to think, but memories kept creeping into his head.

He thought about the times that they had been on the run, the times they had stayed up most of the night because they had to one up each other’s smart ass quips, the times that he truly felt that they were the only things in the world, even in a group of people. For all that their lives seemed to belong to someone or something else, most of the time it felt like they only belonged to each other.

By the time that he had to stow his tray table and put his seat into the upright position, he was quite maudlin. He landed at JFK and took a smaller plane to the Hamptons, trying to shake his mood.

The trip’s destination was the Pendragons’ summer home. For a temporary residence, the house was ridiculous. It was larger than just about anyone’s primary residence. Arthur was very obviously a wealthy scion. His beach house was a palace; Merlin didn’t even want to know what his primary residence looked like.

Merlin had learned a lot from his brief research. Even at eighteen, Arthur seemed to be a gossip page favorite. He had recently graduated from high school, and it looked as if the entire world had been transported to a party in his honor.

Merlin looked around the sprawling back yard, full of well dressed people and beautiful decorations. With a sigh, he stowed his bag on the edge of the estate and waved his hand over his outfit. His clothing now matched the starched white of the wait staff. He didn’t use magic all that much any more, but when he did, it was mostly to fit in. It seemed like the best place for him to fit in would be with the help; it wasn’t something he had done in years, but it had been his official role for such a long time that it came almost as second nature.

He found a tray full of small champagne flutes and wandered through the party.

He had seen grandeur. Arthur was rarely anywhere close to poor, but there seemed to be an arrogance here. It sat in the air, and the trees were almost dripping with it. Merlin tried not to shudder.

Merlin had never felt more removed from the world than he did at that moment, walking around the party. There had always been a formality around Arthur, but it had never seemed so pretentious.

Merlin heard the voice before he saw the blond hair.

“Then he had the nerve to ask me to do it. He couldn’t even cover it!”

It was Arthur’s voice, haughty and brimming with arrogance.

Merlin turned his head, and there was Arthur, wearing a white shirt and crisp pants with a well-dressed blonde hanging onto of his every word. There was nothing soft or forgiving about him. Arthur didn’t seem to see any of the world around him, not the huge house or the sprawling yards. He didn’t seem to even look as one of the staff came by with drinks.

Arthur wasn’t one to challenge social classes, but he didn’t usually seem so blind to those serving him. When Merlin was in Arthur’s life, Arthur knew the names of everyone in his household. At the very least, Arthur said ‘thank you.’ However, here, he didn’t seem to have any such manners.

That made Merlin want to run away. It made him want to stay until Arthur smiled a real smile, or at least one that was familiarly sarcastic.

One of Arthur’s entourage rolled his eyes. “When can we leave this thing and go to the real party?”

Arthur let out a long suffering sigh. “Never soon enough.”

The girl on his arm let out a flirty laugh. “Arthur, you have to make daddy happy.”

At that, Arthur gave her a disdainful look. It looked as if Arthur was not appreciative of anyone giving any kind of slight to Uther, even when it seemed he was doing the same thing.

Something in Merlin had to know if Arthur would see him.

Merlin walked carefully by with the tray. Arthur put down a flute and picked up another drink without so much looking at Merlin. He didn’t seem to even notice that there was help; he seemed to simply expect that someone would be there to fill his needs.

Merlin made a face at him and didn’t move. Arthur didn’t notice, but the blonde socialite on his arm did and gave Merlin a look of dismissal.

With that, Merlin turned to leave, his thoughts swirling. He didn’t know if he could reach Arthur, if Arthur needed to be reached at all. Long ago, it stopped being important to protect him against magic. Long ago, Merlin felt his primary purpose was over. Except that he kept living and Arthur kept being born.

He circled the party, keeping Arthur in his sights, but he didn’t move closer. Finally, Arthur extracted himself from his companions and moved towards the house.

With a stealth only borne from magic, not from any grace that he had actually learned on his long years on earth, he followed Arthur into the house.

Arthur’s gate became less rigid in the house, but he still held himself stiffly as he walked to the bathroom.

“Arthur,” Merlin said.

Arthur stopped and casually turned around. His stance had regained the arrogance again.

“Do I know you?” Arthur asked haughtily.

Merlin could feel his cheeks flush and fought down the magic surging in him.

“May I ask you a question?” Merlin asked conversationally.

Arthur’s face was beyond incredulous. He looked as if he didn’t think that Merlin had any right to ask him a question. Instead of answering, Arthur turned around and began to walk away.

“Alynian,” Merlin incanted. With that, Arthur stopped in his tracks.

Around the first millennia, he had started to use Old English. It didn’t matter what language things were sad in, just that they were said, but there was a comfort in using his first language.

Arthur stopped, as commanded, and slowly turned around.

Merlin closed his eyes. It hadn’t been easy to walk away from Arthur in their last lifetime, but it was now harder to stay. He was certain that Arthur didn’t need him, not at all.

Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Arthur.

“Are you happy?” Merlin finally asked.

It was what he most wanted to know.

Arthur glared at him. “I have everything that anyone could want. I am everything that everyone wants me to be.”

Merlin’s brow furrowed. That wasn’t an answer.

A positive answer would have meant that Merlin could have walked out of the door and wouldn’t have to look back. He could rest assured that Arthur would be fine.

But that wasn’t a yes.

“Sóþcwide,” Merlin said, his eyes flashing gold. He hated using truth spells on Arthur, but he needed to know.

“I am who they want me to be,” Arthur said.

“Sóþcwide,” Merlin said, digging into his magic. Arthur always had been a hard nut to crack. Merlin didn’t know if he was out of practice or Arthur had developed immunity to his pushing over the years.

Arthur breathed in and softened. He would never be pliant, but for a second, he seemed to be just Arthur, more the Arthur that Merlin lived for.

“I don’t know who I am,” Arthur said, almost in a trance.

Merlin heard people coming as he blinked back tears. That wasn’t an answer that most people would understand. However, Merlin was well versed in Arthur. That was a very bad sign.

“Ofergiete,” Merlin muttered and turned on his heel.

By that word, Arthur wouldn’t remember. Now wasn’t the time.

At the moment, he was completely useless to Arthur.

Arthur blinked and looked at Merlin, and this time, he was still a little of the Arthur Merlin knew..

“Do I know you?” Arthur asked, a little hazy around the edges.

Merlin shook his head. “No, not now.”

Arthur shrugged and then turned around, apparently remembering that he didn’t speak to the help.

Merlin cringed a little.

“I think I stayed away too long,” Merlin muttered, watching Arthur walk away.

With a sigh, he turned to retrieve his bag and leave. He was going to need help with this one.

&

After hightailing it out of the Hamptons, Merlin grabbed his things and went back to the airport. He bought a one way ticket to the only place he knew would help.

Merlin landed in Dulles and got into a cab. Traveling was expensive, but money was something that wasn’t an issue. After a few hundred years, he had learned to be good with it.

He leaned back in the cracking leather seat as the late day traffic made stops and starts. The air conditioning didn’t work, and the seat was uncomfortable. It was okay; he wasn’t in any rush.

There was a pool of dread in his stomach when he thought about Arthur, so he tried not to. However, his mind could think of nothing but. Merlin had no idea of how to convincingly be part of Arthur’s life. He found himself completely out of his depth. There was no magic big enough to cover what he didn’t know.

He tried to think about being eighteen again and tried to enjoy the lack of creaking in his bones. It wasn’t a very successful diversion.

Fortunately, it wasn’t long before he was in Arlington, arriving at a nice little brownstone. Merlin paid the cabbie and got out of the car. He looked at the stairs, sucked in a long breath and began the climb. When he got to the top, he pressed the buzzer, and it was barely seconds before the door opened.

There stood a man slightly smaller than he was with long, grey, fluffy hair and calculating eyes that squinted at him.

Merlin had Googled him while he was in the terminal at Heathrow. Gaius Wilson had been born in New York. He had been a bit of a hippie--there had been a picture of Gaius in a tie-dyed shirt flashing the peace sign that Merlin laughed at for a good ten minutes.

Then the records showed that Gaius joined the military. There was no reason for that written in his bio, but Merlin knew that it was probably for Uther. They always played similar roles; they were all needed to affect each other, for their relationships were as much a part of them as their personality. Each time was different, but most times, the relationships were achingly familiar.

Gaius sniffed. “I was wondering if we’d see you this lifetime.”

Merlin gave him a big smile. “Hi, Gaius.”

Gaius eyed him and opened the door.

Throughout the years, Gaius would live and die. However, in each life, he always seemed to remember. Lifetimes ago, around the time that they were burning witches in England, just after Arthur had died again, Gaius had dragged Merlin away to Copenhagen lest Merlin start to bring retribution on all witch-hunters. They had sat in a tavern many a night discussing their lot in lives. They developed the theory that Arthur couldn’t be Arthur without Uther as a father. They theorized that Gaius was Uther’s Merlin. It all lined up in a certain way, to aid Arthur to his destiny. Most of the theory was lost into cups of ale, but it was the most apt description of their relationship that they ever had come up with.

Even after many centuries, it was always Gaius, who would be born a child and live a normal life and never had any magic to speak of, who Merlin looked to.

Merlin followed him into the house. It was cluttered with very old papers and knickknacks that looked like they had come from all over the world.

For all that he had lived in his own places, once even for the better part of five decades; wherever Gaius was, he was at home.

Even if, in the current situation, Gaius was probably pissed at him.

“Do you want coffee?” Gaius offered. “Or are you the old-fashioned, tea-only British?”

Merlin snorted. “I’ve been British since before tea was something people did. Besides, do you know how many Starbucks there are in London?”

Gaius just gave him a withering look. “So I suppose that is a convoluted no? Do you want something more traditional for your time specifically? Muddy river water? Mead? Watered down ale?”

“Coffee is fine,” Merlin replied tiredly.

Gaius moved further into the house.

“All time has been my time,” Merlin muttered.

Gaius looked up at him and then turned around again. Merlin followed him, watching him putter around the kitchen. The irritation was radiating off Gaius in waves.

“I thought it was best,” Merlin defended, knowing that this is where the discussion would end up. There really was too much between them to start small talk at this point.

Gaius turned on the coffee grinder with a great bit of force and said nothing.

“I tried for so long, so many lives,” Merlin went on. “I just thought it was better if I wasn’t part of his life. People don’t need magic any more. They have technology and medicine. A few parlor tricks aren’t going to change his life. Arthur doesn’t need a sorcerer to protect him anymore.”

Gaius measured the coffee and put the water to boil. He still didn’t say anything.

“He would only die if I was there,” Merlin stated, knowing that it was a losing argument. “I thought that maybe he would live a long, happy life without me.”

Gaius looked up at him, and there was nothing less than murder in his eye.

“His life wasn’t much of a life,” Gaius growled. “It was far less than long and the least happy life he’s ever lived, by far. His father died, and his city, his home was bombed. He was more lost than I’ve ever seen him. I’ve seen quite a bit in my life, I’ve lived through plagues and Inquisitions, but what happened during that war was the worst I’ve ever seen, and you just left to go raise goats in the countryside, and he had nothing.”

Merlin hung his head in shame. He knew that much already.

“He doesn’t need a magician,” Merlin told Gaius, his voice was level, but they both knew that he was being a petulant child.

“When are you going to get it through your thick head that you are so much more than that?” The lecture was still in his voice, but there was a little more affection creeping in.

Gaius just looked at Merlin, and Merlin let out a breath. He had never believed that aspect of his destiny. He had never believed that he was any more than a shield for Arthur, something to make sure he lived long enough to find his destiny. Arthur was important; he was just a footnote.

But at this moment, he was willing to trust Gaius. The load on his shoulders was almost too much to bear.

“I was a little tired of destiny,” Merlin admitted quietly.

When he looked up, Gaius’s rage had relented. Instead, there was something of fatherly concern in his eye.

“I can’t even imagine what it must be like,” Gaius said, his voice softer, affection seeping into his voice. It was heaven to Merlin, who had gone so long without.

Merlin gave a little smile. “It gives me more incentive, because I have a reason, a purpose to my life. It also hurts more than anything else every time he dies, and Arthur usually dies young.”

They stood there in the kitchen for a few seconds. Merlin knew his eyes were watering. Gaius seemed to be uncertain as how to properly comfort him, but he finally came over and placed a fatherly hand on Merlin’s arm.

And then Gaius returned to business as usual. “You made a choice--there’s nothing we can do about that anymore. He needs you.”

Merlin let out a dry laugh. “You sound like Kilgharrah.”

Gaius raised an eyebrow. “How is the old man?”

“Same as always,” Merlin shrugged. “How do I find a way to reach Arthur?”

The eyebrows nearly took over Gaius’s forehead. “Only if you’re staying. If you aren’t, then there’s no need to have this conversation.”

Merlin wanted to yell that he didn’t have a choice, but that was already a losing battle. He had the choice, he knew. He had taken it last time. It hadn’t ended well for him, for Arthur, for the world.

“I’m here now,” Merlin said in a small voice, it was really all he had to offer. “I went and saw him.”

Gaius cocked his head, his eyes going wide. “You did?”

“I was a caterer at his graduation party for half an hour,” Merlin said.

“And how did you find the boy?” Gaius said, his voice flat.

Merlin shifted on his feet. He felt like speaking would be admitting how much he had messed up being the ‘other side’ of Arthur.

“He’s rich, spoiled, and overly cocky,” Merlin finally said.

“Sounds like Arthur,” Gaius snorted.

Merlin sighed. “He’s quite a bit more obnoxious than he has been in centuries. He’s arrogant.”

“Sounds like you have your work cut out for you,” Gaius said, a little bit of a laugh in his voice.

Merlin made a half-hearted ‘ta-da’ motion with his hands. “And Merlin comes and puts him in his place.”

Gaius just looked at him.

Then Merlin let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping. “It isn’t going to work quite the same. He’s in an absolutely different world from what I’m used to, especially lately. Things were always more complicated in his world than mine, but really, the people at his party – I had no idea what they were talking about. I don’t know how I would even pretend to fit in with them. I can magic documents and prevent disasters, but no amount of magic is going to help me figure out what to wear or what good wine is, or what the hell it is exactly that Uther does, that he is so proud of and wanting Arthur to take over. I mean, Uther holds an elected position. How do I prepare Arthur to take over something like that?”

Gaius snorted. “That is a first. You usually just barge in. I’m proud of your maturity. It’s always like The Hick in King Arthur’s Court.”

Merlin frowned. “It isn’t that bad.”

“You still smell like dung,” Gaius informed him.

Merlin sniffed himself. He was pretty sure that wasn’t true at all.

“I think you are very right though. Arthur’s going to West Point,” Gaius continued. “It’ll discipline him plenty. Now might not be the best time for you to just show up and Merlin him.”

Merlin made a face. Joining the army was not something that he really wanted to do. He had tried it once around the time of the Crusades and had not looked back since. Merlin had become remarkably skillful at getting out of conscripted service. He was more than happy to let that be Arthur’s thing.

“He’s not going to take a military career,” Gaius assured Merlin. “He’s going to do a tour or two, but he’s probably going to go into the reserves and work with Uther, according to Uther’s master plans. That might be a better time to pop into his life.”

“So what do I do?” Merlin asked, a little relieved to have someone else make that decision.

“What do you know about politics?” Gaius quizzed.

“American?” Merlin asked.

“Well, specifically, yes,” Gaius asked. “But if you can give the answer of any country’s political structure in the last fifty years, I’ll eat your hideous shirt.”

Merlin looked down at his shirt and then looked up in offense.

“I would suggest that you figure out a way to magic yourself into something Ivy League and then learn anything that everybody can teach you, classes, internships, and all the like,” Gaius told him. “Be the person he needs.”

For a second Merlin wanted to say ‘Fuck it, let Arthur be king of whatever world he was in by himself’, but he knew not doing it was like tearing himself in two. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t do it again.

But the fact remained, he missed Arthur.

“I’ll do what I need to do,” Merlin said, and this time, it came out a little determined.

Gaius nodded approvingly and placed a cup of coffee in front of him.

Merlin tried the coffee and nearly spit it back.

“I make the coffee next time,” Merlin informed him.

The air in the room was a little lighter, and Gaius’s eyes almost twinkled a bit. “With magic coffee beans?”

Merlin laughed. “Anything is better than this.”

Gaius smiled at him fondly. “Welcome back, Merlin.”

&

Gaius worked very long hours for Uther, but every morning, he set out a list of things Merlin needed to do for the day. Merlin grumbled at first, but it wasn’t too hard for him to start to put everything in order.

But it was still a very good thing he had Gaius.

“Pick one,” Gaius without looking up from the file he was reading.

Merlin made a face and looked at the brochures as if they would bite him.

Gaius finally looked up and sighed. “This is part of the plan. Get your schooling, learn those things that you need to know, maybe socialize.”

Merlin’s scowl deepened. “I’m going to be surrounded by eighteen-year-olds. What do I have in common with them?”

“What do you really have in common with any of us?” Gaius said, looking down at his papers again. “Yet you still deign to speak to us. Maybe you need to learn some things. Lord knows that you need to learn to blend into this century. You’re going to make contacts, learn how to be human again, shake off your isolation.”

Merlin made another face.

Gaius rolled his eyes without looking up. “Pick Columbia or Harvard.”

Merlin sighed. “They’re both so new.”

“Good to see that Arthur has a rival in his snobbery,” Gaius said dryly. “They were both founded centuries ago.”

Merlin gave him a snarky grin. “I revise that. They are very new.”

Gaius gave a long-suffering sigh. “Pick Harvard, then. It’s got a good hundred years and change over Columbia.”

Merlin picked up the brochure and sighed. After a second, his eyes glowed gold.

“Boston it is,” Merlin said, his voice deep and raspy as he filed some admissions papers, making up a whole background in the blink of an eye.

&

Merlin was in his dorms, while down the hallway, there was a party. There was always a party. Merlin had mastered soundproofing his room. He was so very glad that he had thought to ask for a single room.

His phone rang and he picked it up, his eyes still scanning the book in front of him.

“Hi, Merlin,” Gaius’s voice came over the line. “How is week number three of your freshman year?”

“Good,” Merlin said, a little distracted.

“Picked a major yet?” Gaius asked.

“Think I’m going to do History and International Relations,” Merlin told him, still reading. “It’s a good track with plenty of internships. I can do a concentration in pre-law, and it’ll look good on law school apps.”

Gaius let out a choking noise. “I was kidding. Maybe you should take your time. Maybe get out of your room a little, make some friends?”

Merlin let out a long sigh.

“I know that they aren’t your people,” Gaius said. “They aren’t our people, but you can get to know others.”

Merlin sat up and flicked his wrist to drop the sound barrier. He heard people laughing in the hallways.

“Just give it a try,” Gaius told him. “You sound like you’re giving yourself an unbearably heavy workload to avoid people, but maybe give that a little effort.”

“Okay,” Merlin conceded. “As long as it doesn’t get in the way of my studies.”

Gaius let out a strangled noise. “You sound like the oldest freshman in the entire world.”

“I’m probably the oldest person in the entire world,” Merlin reminded him.

“Well, lovely,” Gaius sighed. “Do you think you could please go binge drink now? It _is_ a rite of passage.”

Merlin had to smile despite himself. “If I have to, I’ll go.”

“Oh, good,” Gaius replied dryly. “I hope that you remember what fun is.”

&

Merlin managed to occasionally have the ‘college experience’. He studied constantly, but he also allowed himself to occasionally dragged out by well-meaning friends.

He got an iPod and learned how to drive. Cars had progressed far beyond Model Ts. However, it was a general consensus that he should not drive, as he made a much better passenger.

He learned about technology. Computers reacted well to his magic; it was almost as though they were symbiotic. He didn’t do it often, but sometimes when he was drunk, he would turn on his computer and search protected databases.

Merlin had easily found the many closed files of the underaged Arthur Pendragon with his many petty offenses. Things changed with Arthur when he went to West Point. After he enrolled, there was no more scandal. There was no more news in the trashy section of the newspaper, no more covered arrests, no demerits at his new school. Arthur became the model of perfection he always seemed to strive for. His grades were flawless, as were his leadership skills. He seemed to be coming into his own.

&

Merlin’s cell phone rang as he was trying to juggle coffee and his bag and a few books. All of his possessions seemed to want to fall to the ground.

“Merlin,” Gaius said.

“Gaius,” Merlin said, trying not to drop anything.

“Have you chosen a law school yet?” Gaius asked.

“I’m still debating.” Merlin sighed and just put everything down on a chair so he could have this conversation in peace. “Arthur is probably going to be deployed to the Middle East. To me, that sounds dangerous. Shouldn’t I be there?”

“I still think you should go to Georgetown,” Gaius replied. “Study constitutional law, work with some people up here on the Hill.”

Merlin thought about it. There was merit to what Gaius was saying. He didn’t feel ready, but letting Arthur go into a war zone without watching his back made him a little fearful. The only reassuring thing was that there was no way that Arthur was going to die, there would be no roofs broken by ejected pilots from an ocean away.

“You do know that I’d move in with you,” Merlin told him.

“You’ll probably learn more,” Gaius said. “You always seem to call me when there is something really tricky.”

Merlin laughed. “I got my acceptance last week. If you’ll have me, I’ll be there.”

“I’ll clean up the basement,” Gaius told him, completely failing to sound anything less than perfectly pleased.

&

It was just after Merlin’s first year at law school that Gaius informed Merlin that Arthur was back, a fact that Merlin was well aware of.

Merlin was pretty sure that tapping into the Department of Defense’s computer database wasn’t really something that people needed to know he was doing, so he just smiled. Merlin had two years left of law school; he had decided to keep a low profile.

“You know, you didn’t have any experience when you met him the first time,” Gaius said with a grin.

Merlin didn’t look up from his books.

“We also lived to be almost twenty-five, which was old age then,” Merlin told him, picking up a pen. He put it in his mouth, pulled the pen part from the cap, made some notes, then recapped the pen, putting it back on the desk. “Things have changed a great deal since then.”

Gaius just looked at him with a small smile. “Yet sometimes it seems like nothing much changes.”

Merlin just shrugged and went back to his studies.

&

When Merlin graduated, Gaius was in the crowd, taking pictures and cheering. For all that this wasn’t new for Merlin, all the pictures had him with a huge smile on his face.

The day after graduation, Merlin was preparing for his interview at the office of Senator Uther Pendragon.

The morning of, Merlin changed his shirt three times and looked at his three measly ties, wishing that he had spent more time shopping. He picked one--the red one--because it was fitting and familiar. He made it to the office with plenty of time to spare.

He walked up to the secretary. She looked him from head to toe. Merlin had no idea what she saw, but he hoped he wasn’t terribly out of place.

“I’m Merlin,” he said, giving her his best smile.

She gave him a smile in return. “Please sit down. Someone will be right with you.”

He sat in the waiting chair and stared straight ahead. He hadn’t been nervous in a while, hadn’t cared if anyone liked him, but today mattered on so many levels.

“Merlin?” a friendly voice said.

Merlin looked up, and there was Gwen. Her dark eyes were warm, and her smile was genuine.

“I’m Merlin Emrys,” he said standing up and putting out his hand.

She shook it firmly and grinned. “Welcome to the offices, Merlin. We don’t get many people from Wales in here.”

Merlin shrugged. “I’ve lived all over. I came here to study, and Gaius, he’s my uncle, has gotten me really into politics.”

Gwen smiled. “Well, I’m sure being here will be a further education. Please, follow me.”

Her warmth, her voice, her presence, all made the apprehension about being back with them disappear. He was so glad to be here.

Looking around the offices, he wasn’t surprised. They were well furnished in dark imposing colors. This was the office of importance. It was manly and clean, and it fit Uther perfectly.

Merlin began to chat with Gwen a little bit, or Merlin babbled and Gwen smiled at him, laughing a little at his chatter. He was so keyed up on nervousness and her giggles that he lost track of his surroundings.

He rounded a corner a little too tightly and ran full on to another person who was coming out of the kitchenette.

Merlin felt the hot coffee spray on his hand and heard the splatter on the floor.

For a second, Merlin froze and prayed to whatever fate was controlling his life that this was not Arthur. This really wasn’t how he wanted to meet Arthur again.

Merlin had looked up and there was Arthur, sputtering and pulling the hot fabric off of his chest. He was much like he always was. His hair was blonde, his skin was tanned, and his expression was incredulous.

Merlin just stood there, momentarily frozen as he watched Arthur swear under his breath.

Arthur looked up at him, his face dark. He looked as if murder was actually an option in this situation. Merlin almost grinned despite himself. He liked to think of that look as his special look from Arthur.

Gwen took a step forward to make apologies, but Merlin slid in between them before she could start.

“Who the fuck are you?” Arthur demanded, still pulling his shirt away from his skin. Merlin watched as the dark liquid showed off the still Army appropriate body.

Merlin took the full brunt of his anger. It wasn’t anything new, and for the most part, it wasn’t anything real. Arthur always lead with the brittle arrogant side, Merlin knew what was underneath it all.

“I’m Merlin,” Merlin finally said offering his hand. “I’m interviewing.”

Arthur’s eyebrows went up, one hand was holding the now empty cup and the other was holding his shirt away from his skin. Arthur did not look like he was going to relinquish the shirt or the cup for a handshake.

“Yeah good luck with that, buddy,” Arthur said with a raised eyebrow.

Merlin cocked his head and tried to look contrite. “I’m sorry, really. I am a bit clumsy.”

“Well, you make quite an impression,” Arthur said dryly. “One that has me wearing my coffee and looking foolish as I fall asleep in my next meeting.”

“I’m interviewing with you,” Merlin added.

Arthur just stared with a look of complete horror. “I don’t think that’s necessary at this point.”

“So I got the job that easily?” Merlin asked cheekily.

Arthur gave him a withering glare.

“If I can clean this shirt and get you a cup of coffee in twenty minutes, then you hire me,” Merlin suggested.

Arthur just looked at him like he wanted to laugh at the improbability that Merlin could accomplish such tasks.

“Fifteen,” Arthur countered.

Merlin blanched outwardly, but inwardly, he had to laugh. This was just too easy.

He held out his hand, and Arthur looked puzzled.

“You gave me fifteen,” Merlin told him. “It will start when I have the shirt and the cup.”

Behind him, Gwen let out a strangled noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a laugh.

Arthur relented, though. He held out the cup, which Merlin took, and began to undo the buttons on his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders and wordlessly handing it to Merlin.

“Be back in a sec,” Merlin said with all confidence.

He didn’t have to look back to know that Arthur and Gwen were staring at him, a little dumbfounded.

Merlin sauntered into the bathroom. With a flick of his wrist, the shirt was clean. He jumped up and sat on the counter, thunking his heels against the cabinet as he waited. He wanted to be amazing, but he really didn’t need to brag about it by having the job finished after a few seconds, that just looked sketchy.

Merlin checked his phone again. He clicked through his Instagram and saw some of his friends from college were eating fancy things and going to swank places, then looked at the time. He sighed at the slow passage of time and his boring friends and resorted to checking Facebook.

After ten minutes, he got up and left the bathroom, careful not to get a speck of dust on the white shirt. He looked around for something vaguely coffee-like and found a little coffee station, where he poured a cup of what looked like to be sludge. He shrugged a little and waved his hand over it and then moved to his final destination.

Merlin walked into the hallway, which was very empty, realizing that he had no idea which office was Arthur’s. He closed his eyes and then opened them. The two sides of a coin were like a homing beacon.

He walked confidently into Arthur’s office.

“Shirt clean and coffee,” Merlin said with a little showmanship. “Job?”

Arthur stood up and grabbed the shirt from Merlin, inspecting it closely. “How the hell did you…”

Merlin just smiled. “Water, soap, hand dryer. Job?”

Arthur stood up and took the coffee, taking a careful sip. Confusion came over his features.

“Where did you get this?” he asked.

Merlin just gave him a shrug. “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

Arthur leaned back in his chair. “Is this the kind of thing that I can expect from having you work for me?”

Merlin shrugged. “Well, I’m hoping that I can keep the whole spilling thing in check, but I’m fairly good at thinking on my feet.”

“Gwen said you have a JD,” Arthur asked. “Why do you want to work for this office? Why would you want to be a glorified personal assistant?”

Merlin shrugged. “I don’t want to practice. I spent three years in DC; I want to see the heart of the system.”

“It’s hard work,” Arthur said, eyeing him.

“I’m not as breakable as I look,” Merlin replied.

The edges of Arthur’s mouth quirked ever so slightly, but that faded in an instant.

“I’m going to regret this,” Arthur muttered.

Merlin just grinned. “So, yes?”

Arthur threw on his shirt and began to button it. “I don’t have time for more interviewing. You’re hired. Have Gwen show you to the personnel department so you get paid very small amounts for the very long hours you will be putting in. You begin work when I get back in three hours. I work fast, I have high expectations, and there is a really good chance that I’m going to fire you in less than a week.”

With that, Arthur grabbed his coffee and swept out of the room.

Merlin watched him leave with a little grin.

&

Merlin followed Gwen through the offices, not even pretending to absorb anything. It was too much stimulation right now.

He just watched her, listened to her. He felt like he was letting himself be warmed by her presence, knowing everyone was somewhere around here. Wherever Arthur was, they all seemed to be drawn to him. It was what always made them who they were supposed to be.

Gwen was special. He had always cared deeply for her. In his first life, she was the reason that Merlin hadn’t gone insane with the original loss of Arthur. He had stayed with her for her entire life. He had sat by her bed as she had died, an old woman with a good reign.

She would always be his queen.

“What do you do?” Merlin interrupted, honestly curious.

She paused in her description of how to use the copier.

“Well, I’m Morgana’s you,” she said slowly, a small smile appearing. “We always joke that Morgana charms and Arthur disarms. They’re Uther’s secret weapons. They’ve been doing it for a short time, but they really are the talk of the town. So you’re Arthur’s right hand, and I’m Morgana’s.”

She gave him a pleased smile, and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“They’re very young,” Merlin commented.

Gwen shrugged. “Uther trusts them, which is something he doesn’t give out much. Besides, this is the life that they’ve grown up in. They’ve been around this since birth--well, Arthur has, but Morgana nearly as long.”

“Arthur is his son,” Merlin said with a questioning lilt. “And Morgana is…”

“Family,” Gwen supplied, looking around to make sure that nobody was listening. “She’s not … well, it’s a badly kept secret, but she’s been around most of her life. We don’t talk about it, though. You may be a bit intimidated by her at first, but she really is wonderful.”

Merlin nodded. “And Arthur?”

Her smile faltered a little. “He’s a bit of a perfectionist, but nobody is better at just about everything.”

“And Uther?” Merlin pushed, a little worried that he was going too far.

Gwen’s smile all but disappeared. “He’s got his opinions and holds to them firmly. He has conviction.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. As always, Uther was Uther.

Gwen looked really uncomfortable. Merlin decided to let up on the questioning, but Gwen regained her composure and looked at him with her spunky cheeky way.

“So you came to work for Uther.” Gwen said it quietly, but a tinge of mischief was in her voice. “What do you think of him?”

Merlin cocked his head a little and couldn’t help but return her grin. He tried to figure out what the proper thing to say on the first day of the job was, but her grin didn’t seem like she wanted the company line.

“I don’t agree with some of his positions,” Merlin said slowly. “He does seem like a fair man, it seems like he makes some positive choices for his people as a whole, but not the individuals. There is some good policy, just some iffy social programs.”

“Even those who disagree with him see some of the value in what he is saying,” Gwen agreed with all loyalty. Her brow crinkled.

Merlin felt like she could see through him, but as always, she would only see the best parts. That was how Gwen was.

“Are you…” she trailed off.

Merlin had expected that. He knew that people would want to know about him; everybody at school had always wanted to know. He felt a little weird that he didn’t have much to offer. Especially in terms of his tastes in bed or dating partners. He hadn’t been with anyone in decades, so he really wasn’t in a position to make a call on his sexuality. There had been a few close calls in college, but he had never really gotten around to it. He had school and work and Arthur waiting somewhere out there for him.

He just winked at her by way of explanation. “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”

A voice came through the room. “Merlin, my boy.”

Merlin looked up, and Gaius came striding forward. He had that look like he always did. Merlin watched as everyone around them sat up straighter and looked like they were doing plenty of work.

Merlin smiled at him. “So I made it.”

“I thought you would be sent packing by now,” Gaius said. “You passed your first test with Arthur?”

“I spilled coffee on him,” Merlin replied with a shrug.

Gaius just looked at him and sighed.

“Merlin!” Arthur’s voice came booming out.

“Go, boy,” Gaius said.

Merlin turned towards Arthur’s voice.

“I hope you’ve slept enough in your life. You probably won’t be for a very long time,” Gaius called after him.

Merlin grinned. He had slept enough for lifetimes. He didn’t mind staying up with the work. He never minded being with Arthur

PART TWO

Merlin always lied to himself.

He hated Arthur so much. The nostalgia had taken a grand total of ten minutes to wear off when he realized that Arthur was demanding and arrogant.

Merlin was on the couch in Arthur’s office. It was pretty much the only surface not covered in stacks of folders and documents. Arthur didn’t seem to have much use for a filing cabinet.

“Nobody is going to talk to you for a week,” Arthur said. “I don’t get many people staying long.”

Merlin gave a cheerful smile. “It must be your charming personality.”

Arthur stopped his incessant moving to stare incredulously at Merlin.

Merlin just grinned.

“Are you…” Arthur asked making a hand signal that probably meant ‘seriously mentally challenged’.

“I don’t think that you can legally ask me that,” Merlin told him, understanding perfectly.

Arthur blinked repeatedly.

Merlin bit back a smile. He always loved needling Arthur. It was like having a brother, it was like having an old childhood friend, and it was like…

Arthur licked his lips and Merlin had to rush against _that_ door in his head. He had put everything about that away, he wasn’t going to open that door.

He couldn’t. He didn’t think he’d be able to do his destiny if he went into that place.

Arthur opened his mouth and started barking orders and Merlin was scurrying around trying to find a pen and paper and was back to mentally groaning at Arthur.

In his haste he ended up catching the edge of the desk with his hip and ended up sprawled on the carpet.

Arthur looked up from his paper again at Merlin, his face very bland.

“I feel for some reason like I shouldn’t try to get used to you,” Arthur remarked.

Merlin cocked his head. “Do you really?”

Arthur looked up, for the first time Merlin felt as if he was really seeing him. Those eyes seemed to not focus for a second, seemed to be seeing something else. His lips moved a little in a wordless thought.

Merlin felt his eyes water a little and a lump form in his throat.

Then the moment broke.

Arthur went back to his paper.

Never had Arthur remembered, Merlin wanted to be used to it by now. All the lifetimes were his memories and only his.

Merlin shook himself and grabbed a pen and paper and began his new life, which was quickly feeling like another version of a servant.

&

It had been the longest six days of Merlin’s life. Arthur had been right, everybody in the office ignored Merlin. It seemed like a weird hazing ritual, actually it felt a little cruel and mean. Even Gwen was mysteriously absent and Gaius was off with Uther somewhere, to be honest Merlin hadn’t really been listening.

“Watch your st…” Arthur said without looking up as Merlin entered the room.

Merlin immediately tripped arms flying out, the bag spilling. He saw one of the subs fly out of the bag towards papers on the ground. One thing he had learned was that the files were something that he could not damage in anyway. It was only Arthur being engrossed in what he was reading that saved Arthur from learning Merlin’s secret. Merlin reached for his magic and easily pulled his bounty back into the bag.

He had only been here six days and he felt as if his body was going to collapse in on itself. He was hungry, stressed, and exhausted.

Merlin looked down at what he had tripped over and inwardly groaned. While he had saved dinner, he had made a royal mess of everything else, namely the once stacked files that were now no longer organized.

“They were in a bad order anyways,” Merlin muttered.

“I don’t know why I have even kept you a week,” Arthur said tiredly.

Merlin stood and tried not to smash the meatball sub into Arthur’s, still perfect, even after being up for 36 hours, face. Instead he plopped the bag down on Arthur’s desk. The smell wafting off of it caught Arthur’s attention.

“The reason,” Merlin bit out.

Arthur didn’t grin at all, but he reached for the bag with a little bit of life. Merlin decided that Arthur was very grateful, because if he didn’t think that he would go back to his yurt in New Zealand.

Merlin looked at the papers on the desk. At first it was just a glance, but he stepped forward and began reading.

Finally he looked up.

“You prat,” Merlin spit out. “I know that you don’t believe in handouts, but you absolutely cannot cut lunches for children.”

Arthur gave him a surprised look and stopped chewing on his sub.

“Who the hell are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?” Arthur said with the haughtiness of a spoiled rich child.

“I don’t care what you think the world needs,” Merlin hissed. “There are people who do mooch off the system, but you are cutting food for children? Have you no morals? You are just going to take money out of the mouths of children? For what? A new highway that these children will be too malnourished to live to drive on?”

Arthur looked at Merlin with wide eyes.

“This is about helping. Please Arthur, make a good decision, this is as is would not be a good one,” Merlin almost begged.

Arthur gave him a little bow and reached for his sandwich. “Your blood sugar seems to have dropped quite a bit. This is what you get for not eating meat.”

Merlin seethed at Arthur’s indifference to his argument. He looked down at the papers, hoping to find more ammunition. This time he saw the light pencil notes in the margins.

“Oh,” Merlin said tugging at the paper, putting it upright and reading it in full.

He looked up at Arthur. “You’re trying to feed the children.”

Arthur sat back in his chair and sighed.

“You’re looking for a way to save the children,” Merlin repeated more softly, feeling the rage and exhaustion ebbing.

They were both too tired to feel guilty about having yelled at each other.

“My father said that if I could find the money he would keep the program,” Arthur muttered.

“How can I help?” Merlin immediately offered.

Arthur looked up and raised an eyebrow. “You want to help?”

“I’m not letting you take all the credit for feeding the children,” Merlin said with a hint of a smile.

Arthur blinked. “You sure the hell aren’t getting a word of credit. I don’t even think I’m going to get a pat on the shoulder from my father.”

Merlin shook that off easily.

“Well we’re still going to feed the children,” Merlin told him, picking up his own meatball sub. “After we eat.”

“I’m going to feed the children after we eat,” Arthur said. “You are going to stand away from all papers that might be harmed by your sub, that is probably dripping in condiments, and then you are going to put all papers back in the order that they are supposed to be in and then I will think of letting you peer over my shoulder and perhaps entertain some of your thoughts before your nattering makes me kick you out.”

Merlin took a huge bite of his sub and spoke with a mouthful. “Sounds good.”

Arthur stared at him until Merlin moved to the far side of the room, away from the white papers.

Arthur returned to looking at the stack in front of him.

Merlin tried not to look at the mess that he soon would be cleaning up, instead he looked at the pictures on the bookshelf.

There was one of a young Arthur in his dress blues, Gwaine was next to him, arm wrapped around his neck. There was another of a group of men in fatigues and semi-automatic rifles. Leon was standing tall and Percy and Lancelot were in that group.

“The one on the right is Gwaine,” Arthur said, not even looking up. “We survived West Point together. He gave up the guns for pens and does most of Uther’s speechwriting. The other ones were in my unit, most of them work here now.”

“You keep your mates pictures in your office?” Merlin teased.

Arthur gave a little smile. “Morgana gave them to me as a joke. We work together and hang out after work. She put them there in case I miss them in the three seconds I don’t see them.”

Merlin laughed. He settled on a chair far away from anything important and ate. For a few seconds they chewed in silence, welcoming food into their bodies for the first time all day. They finished in silence. Merlin cleaned up and threw everything away.

He looked at Arthur who seemed to be fading again.

Merlin took pity on him and yawned. “I’m going to get coffee. Want some.”

Arthur nodded without looking up. “If you can find whatever you got me the first day I will let you call up Senators who probably thought this was closed and convince them of doing things our way as they first politely ignore you and then proceed to probably yell at you.”

“You are ever so kind, sire,” Merlin snorted.

He left the room, not seeing Arthur’s eyes follow him out, something fond in them. When he came back into the room the look was gone. They jumped into work mode.

It was hours and many phone calls later that Arthur leaned back. Merlin blinked and looked at the notes on Arthur’s desk. Arthur’s eyes were bright and lively.

Merlin liked to think it was his special coffee, but it was probably adrenaline and exhaustion.

“We did it,” Arthur said, quite horse.

Merlin grinned at him. “We so did.”

Arthur looked at the clock. “Congratulations Merlin, you made it a week.”

“So I’m not fired?” Merlin asked.

“Not today, I’m too tired,” Arthur stood up stretching. “Go home, be here at six.”

Merlin let out a little groan. He missed being a servant, carrying water, waking up at dawn, cleaning, working his fingers to the bone. That seemed a little more humane.

But he looked at the clock and grinned.

He had made it through hell week.

&

Merlin was back at work at six-ten. When he got there Arthur had his head down on his desk, still wearing yesterday’s clothes. Merlin went into the office and put down a cup of coffee and a bag. Arthur didn’t stir.

“Arthur,” Merlin said in a cheerful whisper. “I shredded all of the files on the budget, especially the handwritten ones.”

Arthur popped up immediately. “I will kill you.”

Merlin laughed. “Egg muffin. Files are much better organized on your floor and not shredded. The coffee is hot, let it sit for a minute.”

Arthur blinked tiredly, trying to focus on Merlin, his hair was going in different directions and his face had creases from his arm.

Merlin took pity on him and went to the door and took the dry cleaner bag and overnight bag off the hook and brought it to Arthur.

Arthur continued to just blink at him.

“Go clean up,” Merlin said. “I’m not washing and dressing you.”

Arthur’s eyes were still unguarded. He took a long moment to look Merlin from head to toe. Merlin found himself only able to blink.

Finally Arthur grabbed the bags and ran out of the room, presumably to the bathroom

Merlin gave himself a moment to grin manically. He was over a thousand years old, but he didn’t feel it when he was with Arthur, he felt clumsy and goofy in a way that he didn’t in the in-between times. He didn’t feel tainted, didn’t feel the weight of everything. When Arthur was here he only felt he was Merlin. He felt at home, comfortable.

Merlin went to his desk, just outside of Arthur’s office. The administrative assistant wasn’t in yet, so Merlin got the voicemails and waved as Arthur went back into the office, looking significantly better.

The morning passed and people seemed to trickle in, although there were less people than usual. Merlin had a little put off by the fact that most people didn’t seem as competent as Merlin would expect. It was a little baffling, but he would learn to make do.

At seven-thirty on the dot, the door was thrown open and suddenly the office seemed to come alive. Merlin looked up, and looked around, curious as to exactly what had changed.

Merlin watched as Morgana, Gwen, Percy, Lancelot, and Gwaine came tumbling in, a few seconds later they were followed by a few other people, who seemed to sit down at desks that were occupied by other people the previous day.

Merlin was looking at one of them curiously when someone came and sat down heavily on his desk. Merlin looked up suddenly and there was Gwaine. He leaned in far to close, making no mind of personal space.

Merlin tried to move backwards and nearly tipped over, but behind him was Morgana, tall and stately as always. Gwen steadied his chair.

“Are you sure he’s the same one?” Gwaine said, still staring at Merlin.

Gwen laughed. “Pretty sure.”

“And he’s still here?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin looked between the three of them. “Glad you notice that I’m here.”

“Oh, you spilled coffee on Arthur,” Morgana said with a smile. “You one upped him and he still gave you the job. We really told that story for a week straight. There really was nothing else to do while we were gone. Those trips are so dull.”

Merlin gave them a confused smile. “You’ve been gone for a week?”

“Where did you think we were?” Gwen asked sweetly. “I was the last to leave, but we were with Uther on his trip to Geneva and Israel.”

Merlin looked confused. “Arthur he told no one to speak to the person in this job for the first week because he doesn’t keep him around.”

The three of them wore similar looks of surprise.

“Seriously Merlin,” Arthur said appearing his doorway. “I’m flattered that you think I’m that much of an ass. It was mostly a joke. They’ve been away for a week, which is why you haven’t met them. We have interns and temps here in the office. Nobody knows anybody. How did you not know about the trip? Don’t you watch CNN or C-SPAN? Uther was with the President the entire time.”

Merlin’s face blanked.

“Dear lord Merlin, CNN is porn in this city,” Arthur sighed. “You need to start watching it now, it’s your homework, you can’t be that useless.”

Morgana let out a gasp and walked over and thwacked his head, she turned to Merlin.

“Ignore him,” Morgana said smiling at Merlin. “You made it a week, you can do anything.”

Merlin looked towards Arthur. “The week thing was true then?”

Arthur shrugged. “Apparently I’m difficult.”

Merlin snorted. “I call it impossible behind your back.”

“Sweet of you, bring my messages when you have them,” Arthur said, turning back into his office.

The three of them just sat there looking at each other.

“What just happened here?” Leon said, coming up the group followed by Percy, then he looked at Merlin. “Oh hi new guy, you’ve been here for awhile.”

Morgana was the first to recover.

“This is Merlin,” Morgana introduced. “We like him, we are keeping him.”

Merlin looked at her in surprise, she just brushed that off.

“Merlin, meet Uther’s inner circle,” Morgana introduced. “That’s Gwaine, he is Uther’s speech writing guru. Leon, his personal assistant, and Percival, his main secret service man. I’m Morgana and you’ve met Gwen. Lancelot isn’t here, he does a lot with social policy and he’s always meeting with everyone with complaints, of which there are many.”

Merlin waved at all of them.

“You play basketball?” Gwaine asked out of nowhere.

Merlin shook his head. Never in his long life had he any urge to play basketball. “No, but I can probably figure out how to keep score.”

Gwaine laughed a little. “Well, we need one of those.”

“Your homework also includes watching ESPN,” Arthur yelled from his office. “And if you have Direct TV watch everything in the 700s.”

“You can’t dictate my free time,” Merlin yelled back.

“You aren’t keeping score on my game without research,” Arthur yelled. “I can keep you here at all hours. You don’t have to have free time.”

“I can Wikipedia it,” Merlin shouted.

“Book us two hours sometime this week,” Arthur said, coming to the door again.

Merlin made a face at him. “Two hours? How hard can it be?”

Arthur nodded. “Okay book us three hours.”

“Just to make sure I can score properly?” Merlin asked incredulously.

“You’re getting it,” Arthur said, turning back into his office. “No need to do anything badly.”

Everyone was sitting around watching them, most trying not to openly laugh. Gwen was completely unable to accomplish that.

Morgana’s eyes were watering with glee. “Oh yes, this will do nicely.”

Gwaine looked back at Leon. “You absolutely have to make sure that we’re free, I want to be there to watch Arthur explain basketball to Merlin.”

Leon nodded. “So do I.”

&

Merlin was sitting on Arthur’s couch trying to make sense of Arthur’s system of filing which didn’t seem to have much logic to it.

“Have you ever just tried using the alphabet?” Merlin asked.

Arthur just looked at Merlin witheringly, a response coming when Uther came into the room.

Merlin automatically stood up something that he wished he had stopped doing that a few lifetimes ago, but he couldn’t stop himself.

Uther gave him a brief glance and there was a little approval in that look.

Merlin didn’t even realize that he had pulled his power in. He had always been cautious of showing Uther more of himself, of any of himself.

“Gaius said you had a rewrite of the proposal,” Uther said to Arthur.

Merlin watched as Arthur stood straight and tall next to his father.

“Yes sir,” Arthur said, reaching for the file. “We worked to keep the school lunches. We’ve talked to a few senators and I think we’ve found the votes.”

Uther made a little sound as he read the file.

“If I propose this, then there is the good chance I’m going to lose a couple of votes on the Finance Bill,” Uther remarked as he put the file down.

Arthur set his chin. “We have the votes.”

“We need alliances,” Uther said looking at him.

“We need to create public policies that help the people,” Arthur said, calmly, not backing down.

“We will need people in Congress working with us or those people will never get anything done,” Uther said evenly.

Arthur stood tall. Uther just looked at his son.

“I will talk to Gaius” Uther said finally. “We are going to have a staff meeting in an hour, don’t be late.”

Uther looked over at Merlin. Then he looked back at Arthur, his head cocked in question.

“This is Merlin,” Arthur said finally. “He helped me get that done.”

Uther looked down at the paper in his hands and then up at Merlin, a look of exasperation on his face.

“The Welshman, it is good to meet you,” Uther said, sounding nothing for the sort, before leaving the room.

Merlin realized that he was still standing, every bit of magic he had was pulled so tight that his muscles were aching with the effort it took.

Arthur turned to him and shrugged. “He’s going to do it.”

“How did you get that?” Merlin said as he let go of his control.

Arthur gave a shrug. “He didn’t say no.”

Merlin huffed. “You know this is a dysfunctional family dynamic.”

“Pretty sure it is pretty public that we aren’t normal,” Arthur muttered.

Merlin thought of Morgana, it was more than fair enough.

“I bet your mother made you scones and crumpets and folded your socks,” Arthur teased.

Merlin closed his eyes and thought about his mother. She had been kind and sweet, but life back then had been survival, it had been work. Most mothers didn’t know if their children would live past infancy, Merlin knew he was lucky that his mother was as wonderful and caring. He had never seen her again, never in any other lifetime.

“Are you okay?” Arthur said, stepping a little closer.

Merlin spoke softly. “She died a long time ago.”

Arthur reached out and clasped his arm.

Merlin closed his eyes again for a moment. He thought he was long ago past losing his mother. This moment didn’t make it easy.

“I get it,” Arthur whispered.

Merlin opened his eyes to Arthur looking at him, without pity, just with complete understanding.

Merlin swallowed.

Gaius knocked on the door. Arthur dropped his hand. Merlin swallowed and tried to discreetly wipe his eyes.

For a second Gaius just looked at them.

“Boys,” he said gently.

Arthur stood tall.

“Uther gave me your brief,” Gaius said, holding up the brief.

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “That was quick.”

Gaius looked at both of them fondly. “Good job boys. However, there is going to be some fallout. I need you to go to and smooth some things out at the Fuller fundraiser tonight.”

Merlin tried to be as small as possible. He was quite glad to have Arthur take the brunt of this.

Gaius was looking at Merlin and Arthur looked that way too.

“The plural you?” Arthur asked.

“The plural is good,” Gaius agreed.

Merlin gave them a glare. “You can’t take me. I’m not that kind and you don’t want me. I’ve only been here a week.”

They both looked at him.

“He’ll need a better suit,” Gaius said, ignoring the fact that Merlin spoke. “And do you want him to be doing the talking?”

“See you don’t want me,” Merlin announced happily.

“He knows the changes as well as I do,” Arthur continued. “He can help smooth over that aspect of that while I talk to the people who feel slighted by this.”

Merlin swallowed. The two of them were looking at him as if the decision had been made.

Arthur picked up a phone. “Morg, I need you….no this is something time sensitive…that isn’t coming up for two weeks…no…no….no…listen to me…Morgana, I need you to take Merlin shopping and get him a suit so he can go with me tonight to the benefit that apparently dad isn’t going to and Merlin and I are going to do the duties.”

Arthur looked at the phone and a second later Morgana appeared.

“Why didn’t you just say so?” she said. “Gwen is rescheduling my day. Black tie?”

Merlin looked at the three of them who were eyeing him skeptically. Merlin shifted his feet a little. He hadn’t worn formal wear since the 1800s, he was fairly sure that it was more comfortable these days, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. He liked his worn pants and comfortable button downs, even if Arthur did look at him like he was a bit shabby.

Gaius was trying to hide a grin. Morgana’s eyes were narrowed. Arthur was looking at the papers on his desk as if he just wanted to get back to work.

“And a haircut,” Arthur told Morgana.

“No,” Merlin told him.

“Yes,” Morgana said, clapping her hands.

“The suit will be good enough,” Gaius decided.

Arthur looked up startled, as if he was thinking something. “Are you even an American citizen?”

Merlin didn’t actually know the answer to that, he didn’t think he was legally a citizen anywhere at this point.

“Pretty sure that I can still make your points if I’m not,” Merlin told him. “But if I’m not does that get me out of tonight?”

Gaius coughed. “Yes, he is. His father was American. He had dual citizenship and when he came here he chose to be an American. Has been for the last four years.”

Merlin blinked. That was very good. He was going to have to remember to make sure that there was paperwork filed somewhere.

Arthur was already off to other things.

Morgana snagged Merlin by the arm. “We’re dismissed, my little shopping buddy.”

Merlin gave Gaius a glare on his way out. Gaius just waved.

Morgana pushed Merlin to her office, waving him past Gwen. Morgana scooped up her sunglasses and purse and then pulled Merlin out of the office.

“Don’t forward my calls,” Morgana said over her shoulder as she walked him out of the building. “Everything else can wait. I have work to do.”

&

Merlin was looking at himself in the mirror.

He had been Morgana’s passenger as she talked fast and drove faster through the streets of Washington DC. Merlin hadn’t been able to get a word in edgewise. Her one sided conversation seemed to be a download of what he could expect for this evening. Merlin was to scared for his life to get most of it.

They had come to a stop and he had relaxed for two seconds. That was when Morgana had hauled him out of his car to a little mom and pop tailor shop. He had been stripped of his clothes and had a small Italian man take measurements, while his wife huffed and tried to feed him Tiramisu.

There was no part of Merlin that wasn’t well on his way to being emotionally scarred, people these days were just very familiar and Merlin was not used to it.

Then they threw him into a changing room so he could get more undressed.

He was half naked with Morgana on the other side of the door.

It was just at that moment that Morgana decided that it was the perfect time for a two sided conversation.

“So, Merlin,” Morgana began.

Merlin froze in the middle of putting on his pants. He knew that tone more than well enough. It didn’t matter how well they were acquainted, it didn’t matter if she was on a rampage or the doting daughter. Morgana used that tone of voice to start a conversation that would probably end up being some kind of awkward.

Usually for everyone who wasn’t Morgana.

“Are you liking living in the US?” Morgana asked.

Merlin breathed in and tried not to be lulled into her false sense of security. He reached for the pants and put them on. The normalcy helped sooth the butterflies in his stomach.

“I’ve been here for almost eight years,” Merlin told her. “I like it and want to stay, but you probably know that from looking at my resume and cover letter.”

“So you’re not going to play coy,” Morgana said with a laugh.

“I’m pretty sure that I have no idea how to do that,” Merlin replied, putting on a shirt. He closed his eyes. It felt like heaven. This shirt probably cost more than he made in a day. It wouldn’t dent his bank account, but he had a bank account because he didn’t do things like buy shirts like this.

He really regretted that. It was an absolutely heavenly shirt.

“I’m actually a little overwhelmed by whatever it is we are going tonight,” Merlin finally sighed. “I mean I was supposed to answer phones today and somehow I’m ending up buying a suit and then going to an event where I don’t know how to act.”

“Oh baby boy,” Morgana cooed. “They’re going to eat you alive.”

“That is really promising,” Merlin muttered, still touching the shirt.

“But you helped Arthur get the votes to get this passed?” Morgana prompted. “You talked to people then?”

Merlin buttoned up the shirt and looked again at himself in the mirror.

“I pretty much got people on the line and then did things that he barked at me to do,” Merlin said. There was a smile on his lips as he gave himself the once over. Running ragged and wearing ridiculous clothing were part and parcel with Arthur.

Morgana snorted. “I know Arthur and I read the amendments. He talks really well, better than anyone, really. Though if you tell him that I will deny it forever. However he doesn’t write that well.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that so he just came out of the dressing room.

Morgana was there, her cell phone tucked under her chin, clutched by her red nails. Her red lips were pursed and her green eyes roved over him critically. Finally she grinned. For all her poise and sophistication, she looked like a four-year-old child.

“You’ll do,” Morgan said, a sparkle in her eye.

Merlin turned around, trying for the fashion model thing that he had seen on television.

Morgana let out a whistle.

He turned back to her and shrugged. “Nobody is going to be looking at me with Arthur there anyway.”

She looked at him speculatively.

“I mean I will probably just blend in with the help,” Merlin continued.

She threw back her head and laughed. “Really I do like you, Merlin. Let’s get those fitted and I’m going to take you out for coffee, preferably the Irish kind, and you can tell me all of your secrets. Especially about these skills that wrote some of the most buttoned up legislation I’ve ever seen.”

Merlin snorted but went back in the room anyway.

“Are you going to tell me yours?” Merlin called back.

There was a moments of silence before Morgana spoke. “All of my secrets are out there for public consumption.”

Merlin poked his head out of the door.

“I doubt that rumors do you any justice,” he told her.

When he had first looked at her she looked blank, a fitting defense mechanism for anyone who had been in the public eye for so long, when he spoke her look melted into something quietly happy. It was something private and personal.

Merlin smiled back. She was whole right now, right here. He popped back into the changing room.

He knew that he was here for Arthur, that was always the first step, but there was no reason he couldn’t’ do some looking out for Morgana. It usually didn’t go well, but it could never hurt to try.

&

Morgana had been a godsend and between coffee and a touch of alcohol she had given him a crash course in what to expect. The alcohol eased everything, but by the time he was in his suit, in the car to the fundraiser he was wracked with nerves.

Gwen met Merlin the coatroom where he was effectively freaking out and attempting not to have a panic attack. He closed his eyes and wished to be back in the Crusades. Being on horseback in battle seemed like a much more manageable situation than walking into a room of four hundred elected officials, lobbyists, and members of the media.

Gwen stepped into the room. “Here is where you are, looking kind of green.”

Merlin gave her a look. “This is my first week you know.”

Gwen gave him a small supportive smile. “You’re actually into your second, but I get the point. I’m pretty sure that Arthur doesn’t expect you to do miracles, just listen to these guys talk on and on about things, that you aren’t required to remember detail for detail. You’re not expected to broker a peace treaty. Just listen and explain the salient points of what you did with Arthur.”

Merlin sucked in a large breath of air. “I’m much better at being the serving person.”

“Well,” Gwen said with a grin. “You’re in the big league now baby, there is no more of carrying the trays and providing drinks, now you get to go out there. We’re Morgana and Arthur’s back up as they go and work that magic that they do.”

Merlin smiled and didn’t say what kind of magic he was much more comfortable with. “I might be able to do that.”

“Let’s get into the game,” Gwen smiled back.

Gwen looked at him expectantly. Merlin made a show of offering her his arm.

They walked out to the lobby and walked to the stairs. Everyone was dressed to the nines. This was just another black tie event in the life of Washington DC. It was decorated with lights and flowers and oozed class. Merlin felt like it was a little gilding of sleaze, but this was now Arthur’s life and Merlin had to make it his own.

The saving grace, as they made their way through the party, was that nobody seemed to blink at them; they blended. After a few steps Merlin could feel himself relax.

Gwen squeezed his arm. Merlin grinned down at her and patted her hand. She looked poised, like she had always belonged. They may have been here as the seconds to Arthur and Morgana, but for a second Merlin felt like he was flying, as if they were the center of all of this.

For a second they stood on the top of the stairs, looking at the gala below. The room was tastefully done and everyone was dressed in tuxes or flowing dresses.

Merlin looked down at the floor. He caught sight of Arthur on one side of the room talking to a big man. Merlin just looked as Arthur stood there, in his element.

The young prince.

It took less than a minute before Arthur looked up. His eyes found Merlin with no hesitation. They rested on him. His blue grey eyes were darker than usual. His face was, as always calm and confident, but Merlin could see the slight raise of his eyebrow.

Finally the edge of Arthur’s mouth quirked. He silently raised a glass to Merlin. Merlin grinned down at him.

Gwen leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Do not wave back.”

Merlin looked down at her. “How did you know.”

She gave him a weak smile, one that didn’t reach eyes full of worry. Instead of saying anything she just tugged him gently to follow her down the stairs.

Any relief that he had felt at Arthur’s approval was a little quelled at Gwen’s look. When they reached the bottom of the stairs Merlin paused and pulled Gwen close.

“Did I do something wrong already?” Merlin whispered.

He looked into her eyes. There was still a little bit of fear, but also a great deal of empathy.

“No Merlin,” she said sweetly. “It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you. You look great and I think that you will be completely fine tonight.”

Merlin cocked his head. “You’re not telling me something.”

Gwen’s face twisted into thought, staring into space.

Finally she shook her head and looked at him determinedly. “Just remember that you represent Uther tonight. There are certain things that Uther doesn’t approve of.”

“Well that is vague and foreboding,” Merlin told her.

Gwen bit her lip.

“Just tell me so I don’t make a fool of myself,” Merlin begged a little bit.

“There are some,” Gwen began, trying to keep a soothing look on her face. “Not me of course, but there are some who can take the way that you just looked at each other in a way that is less than coworkers.”

Merlin blinked. “Are you kidding me?”

Gwen’s eyes were full of apologies.

“I don’t,” Gwen was quick to say.

Merlin looked over his shoulder at Arthur, he couldn’t resist. In twenty-two lifetimes he had never been accused of what he was being accused of. There had been times in the last two lifetimes when he should have been, but he had never been. There had been times far before that they had been found in downright compromising positions. However now, in a time of supposed open-mindedness the way that he always acted with Arthur was being brought into question.

“We’re protective of him,” Gwen said determinedly. “We like you, but there is something--, well we just are protective of him.”

Merlin looked back at Arthur. Arthur looked over and gave him a grin, motioning for him. He sighed and dismissed that thought.

Then Merlin looked back at Gwen, he gave her a squeeze. “I get it, I kind of feel like you do. There are vultures all around and it is our job to make sure that they don’t block his sunlight.”

Gwen’s mouth softened, but her eyes still looked worried.

“I won’t be that either,” Merlin swore. It was a promise that he hoped that he could keep. He had lived so many lives walking that very fine line. Not that he thought that Arthur would ever accept that kind of thing from him, but he wouldn’t even pose the question. Fate hung too heavy over them.

She pushed him a little. “Go, he’s getting testy.”

&

Merlin stormed into Gaius’s house, ripping off the ridiculously priced tie from around his neck.

Gaius was sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, he was reading one of the briefing books. When Merlin stormed in he looked up.

“How did it go?” Gaius asked.

Merlin just glared at him. “I don’t think that there is anyway that I could ever be prepared for that. That was absolutely insane.”

Gaius raised an eyebrow.

“I managed, without magic I might add,” Merlin muttered, flopping down on the chair.

“Good boy,” Gaius said with a grin. “All that prep work was a good thing. Tell me what happened tonight.”

Merlin played with the edge of the chair. There really was only one thing he wanted to talk about. Social interaction was always social interaction, no matter the time and the place. The words were different, but it was always the same sentiment.

“So gay is the new magic?” Merlin asked, forgetting about beating around the bush.

Gaius looked at him and cocked his head.

“And for whom and why are you asking?” Gaius finally said.

Merlin glared at him. “You are hiding things from me.”

“You have stayed away for a lifetime and eighteen years,” Gaius sighed.

“I’m here now,” Merlin said, trying to keep his patience. “Since I’m here can you clue me into what is going on.”

Gaius opened his mouth.

Merlin put an up a hand. “No, please none of that. You’re just going to tell me something half assed because your loyalty is always to Uther.”

“Do you really think that?” Gaius asked.

Merlin shrugged.

Gaius got up and put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder.

“Don’t you know why I’m here?” Gaius said, looking seriously at Merlin.

They weren’t talking about Uther’s agenda anymore. Merlin reached up and squeezed Gaius’s hand. Gaius was Uther’s, but Gaius was also unquestionably Merlin’s cohort in so many things in so many lifetimes. Gaius was probably the thing that had kept Merlin from going insane quite a long time ago.

Gaius looked at him in a rare moment of unguarded fatherly affection. Merlin closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He let that question be rhetorical. He moved on to the issue at hand.

“He wants his father to be proud of him,” Merlin said, eyes closed. That was an always a constant. That really was the drive behind all of Arthur’s perfection. “He would do anything to make sure that he has Uther’s complete approval.”

“Yes,” Gaius said.

Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Gaius. Merlin didn’t want Arthur to have to hide. Merlin knew far too well what it was like to carry around secrets, to hold who he was in check. He was an expert at it and it still was one of the most difficult things that he could do.

“Is Arthur even aware?” Merlin asked, feeling stupid for not actually knowing. It was fair enough, he hadn’t realized that side of his own sexuality for almost a millennia, hadn’t acted on it for far longer than that.

Gaius nodded his head. “Arthur is many things, but stupid is never going to be one of them.”

Merlin gave a little smile and Gaius’s look became a little more serious.

“And where do you settle on this issue?” Gaius said in his round about way.

“No where that will bother Arthur,” Merlin told him.

Gaius just looked at him, analyzing the complex non-answer that Merlin had given. “What have you been up to in the years that we weren’t around?”

Merlin made a face. “You live fifteen hundred plus years and see if you don’t test all things.”

“This was recent,” Gaius remarked.

Merlin didn’t look up.

“I’m thinking before India?” Gaius said blandly.

Merlin looked up at him, looked him straight in the eye, confirmation that needn’t be said written all over his face. “I never. I would never. That isn’t why I’m here.”

“I know,” Gaius told him.

They stayed locked on each other for a few moments. Finally Gaius moved away and the moment was shattered.

Merlin shook himself a little.

“So gay is the new magic,” Merlin said, this time his voice was confident and sure.

Gaius nodded.

“Arthur won’t stand up to Uther?” Merlin said.

Gaius shook his head.

Merlin buried his face in his hands.

“Not so easy when it is someone else’s secret you are hiding, is it?” Gaius asked.

Merlin stood up and began to pace.

“This is ridiculous,” Merlin muttered. “He doesn’t have to be, he doesn’t have to be. It isn’t like he’ll be burned at the stake.”

Gaius shrugged.

“Uther would get over it for Arthur,” Merlin defended.

“And Arthur would never ask him to,” Gaius replied.

Merlin let out a frustrated noise.

“Don’t blame me,” Gaius said. “You’re the one who stayed away for so long. He’s always so much better when you grow up with him.”

Merlin glared at Gaius.

Gaius got a twinkle in his eye. “I’m now torn if I want you to tell me about tonight or perhaps some of what you’ve been doing in the in-between times.”

“Well be prepared for a very boring story, because we’re talking about tonight,” Merlin informed him.

Gaius just grinned at him.

&

Merlin was always in the office at six-thirty. More often than not Arthur was in before him, already having run five miles. Sometimes Merlin whispered testing spells, to see if Arthur was possessed or on drugs. The answer was always no, but he seemed to be almost superhuman, even for Arthur.

Except for when he was with Merlin. Merlin would say something and Arthur would drop the professional attitude and be snarky. It was if Arthur couldn’t even help himself. Those interactions made Merlin not so worried about the state of Arthur’s pent up mental state.

Merlin was often looking over Arthur’s shoulder and it was only after a week or so Arthur would start throwing ideas out to Merlin. It was less than a month before he was throwing Merlin projects.

Merlin thought he had it all down.

&

"Merlin thinks it is a good idea."

Arthur sounded defensive.

Merlin paused outside of the door of the office. He had just gotten back from running errands. He shouldn't be listening at the doorway, but they were loud and it wasn't as if he was skulking around. They were just inside the office, which was next to his desk.

"Well if Merlin thinks that it is a good idea, then we should totally do it.," Morgana said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Merlin was a little offended on behalf on himself.

"Oh wait," Morgana went on. "Uther doesn't answer to Merlin, Uther doesn’t answer to me, Uther answers to his constituency. Merlin isn't even American."

Arthur snorted. "He is. He chose to be an American, which makes him all the more, as opposed to us who were born here. Also sarcasm doesn't look well on you, dear sister."

Merlin rolled his eyes. He didn't have as much choice as Arthur would like to think, but he appreciated the sentiment.

"Everything looks good on me," Morgana said haughtily.

Arthur snorted. “Let’s go over this again. Dad wants us to bring him a proposal and I’m pretty sure that we can get him to do this.”

“What about his Infrastructure Bill? Morgana said. “Uther wants it passed.”

“That one is easy,” Arthur told him.

Morgana was silent and Merlin was prepared to burst in because this sounded rather ominous. Morgana’s silences were often followed by something cutting to the bone, honest, but still cutting.

“You’re going to have to trade on equal rights,” Morgana said in a more gentle voice than Merlin could remember her using in a long time. “Women, gays, immigrants, all that is going to go down for what he wants.”

There was a shuffling sound.

“He’s not voting against them,” Arthur said in a voice that was less than convincing.

Morgana seemed to be thinking loud enough that Merlin swore that he heard her.

“You could just tell him,” Morgana said.

“There is no reason to tell,” Arthur replied with finality in his voice.

They were silent for another moment and Merlin was ready to leave.

“Merlin,” Morgana said.

Merlin jumped, thinking that they had caught him snooping.

“What does he have to do with anything?” Arthur demanded almost too quickly.

“He’s gay,” Morgana informed.

Merlin let out a quiet breath. He hated definitions, in the strictest sense of the word he really wasn’t, bi actually seemed to be more fitting, but seemed like that one was going to stick for this lifetime. He would be a little put out at restriction, but it was probably going to be a non-issue, as it usually was when he was with Arthur. He didn’t usually date much when Arthur was alive.

There seemed to be some kind of non-verbal communication going on in Arthur’s office. Merlin shifted on his feet, trying to figure out what he was supposed to be doing at this moment.

“What would Merlin do?” Morgan said, her voice now tinkling and light.

Her footsteps started moving closer to the door.

Merlin knew that she was leaving and he had no idea what to do. He closed his eyes and breathed in invisibility. It wasn’t a power that he was much good at, it was wonky at best, but he really had no other option right now.

Morgana strode out of the office. For a second her gaze flickered to where Merlin was standing, but then her eyes passed over and she was off.

Merlin let out his breath, just as Arthur stormed out and bumped into him.

“Why are you so clumsy?” Arthur demanded briskly.

Merlin had quite a few retorts, but he was still a little out of sorts from his lurking.

Arthur just looked at him. There was something off in that look, there was something under the bravado and aggravation.

“Do you need coffee?” Merlin asked, knowing full well that the reply sounded weak to both of them.

“I’m not sure why I don’t have it,” Arthur said, his bluster lacking any force.

Merlin turned on his heel and walked to the break room.

“Make it the good stuff,” Arthur yelled after him.

&

Gwen and Morgana had grabbed the seats nearest to the big screen television. Lancelot, Percival, and Leon were already with the girls when Merlin and Arthur arrived. There were already pitchers of beer set up and the four of them

“It took you five months to pull this together,” Gwaine said, sitting next to Merlin.

“In which time we haven’t played basketball once,” Leon followed up.

Arthur looked at Gwaine and Leon critically. “You guys look like you need some more court time.”

Gwaine patted his flat stomach. “I’m still as fit as I was when I was in high school.”

Arthur snorted at that.

“Well our schedules are busy,” Merlin pointed out. “And that annoying little issue that basketball didn’t even start until November.”

Arthur just waved all of them off.

“Really,” Merlin said sarcastically. “Thanks for not telling me that.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “You do have a computer Merlin. You could have checked that out.”

Gwen giggled and Lancelot looked over at her and grinned.

“I did,” Merlin defended, although he hadn’t spent much time on it. “I swear, I thought I was missing something.”

“There, there,” Gwen said sweetly.

“I dislike you all greatly,” Merlin said to the table, but he was looking directly at Arthur.

“You could have asked,” Lancelot said helpfully.

The table began to laugh again.

“The rules aren’t that hard,” Merlin said with a fake sulk. “I really could have done this without the night out that we’re doing right now.”

Arthur gave him a calculating look. “I’ve seen your skills of adapting theory to reality, you’re much better at the human interaction for learning.”

Merlin looked over at him, a little surprised that Arthur had managed to notice, but not surprised at all that Arthur had noticed. That was who he was. Something had intensified in Arthur’s personality. He seemed to be able to be hyper aware of people. There were times he ignored it for the sake of policy, but most of the time Arthur was able to gauge people with a rapid speed.

“Thanks?” Merlin said.

“Wasn’t a compliment,” Arthur replied, his lips holding a ghost of a grin. “Just an observation.”

“You know what I’ve observed?” Gwaine said leaning back.

His grin was a bit obscene and Merlin really hoped that he wasn’t going to say what he looked like he was going to say.

Morgana rolled her eyes and swooped in with the save. “Nobody cares, Gwaine.”

“Oh, look, the game is starting,” Gwen pointed out.

Gwaine leaned back in his chair and grinned. Merlin raised an eyebrow in confusion, but Arthur pulled him back to the game.

“Now watch, this is called the tip off,” Arthur said patronizingly.

“Really Arthur?” Merlin said. “Tell me what the round sphere thing is again.”

Arthur gave him a placating smile. “I really knew that you needed me.”

Merlin snorted.

&

Nobody was surprised that Merlin was able to grasp the concept of the game. Everyone was drinking and pointing out things that Merlin should watch out for as official scorekeeper of their unofficial pick up games.

In the end Merlin had declared basketball a ridiculous game, but one that he had a fairly good grasp on. The rest of the table declared him competent enough to begin scoring for them. Arthur did so with some hesitation, but that really was just Arthur.

Merlin wanted to walk home after. Arthur feared for his safety after the many cups of beer and was trailing after him with a highly bemused expression.

For all that Merlin was staggering, we was managing fairly well. He did look a little like he was in some kind of musical, skipping and dancing. When he saw a light post, he took the opportunity to spin around it, threatening his already tenuous hold on the contents of his stomach.

Arthur was against a wall laughing.

Merlin grinned at him.

“You look happy,” Arthur said.

“I’m drunk,” Merlin replied, trying to stay upright. “There is a huge difference.”

“When are you happy?” Arthur asked.

He was drunk enough to think he was sober and ask questions he never would think of asking when he was actually sober.

“I am happy when I am in love,” Merlin said flippantly, still trying to not throw up.

“When have you been in love?” Arthur scoffed and slurred.

Merlin stopped and thought. He had been married a few times, when social convention and his living situation had made it needed, once or twice when he had really liked a girl. He had gallivanted the world and had instant relationships with people for limited amount of times.

His mouth suddenly went dry and his head cleared.

There was only one answer to that question. One that he hoped his drink-addled mind wouldn’t let out of his mouth

“Have you ever been in love?” Arthur asked suddenly serious as he watched the flickers of thought pass over Merlin’s face.

Arthur was looking at him, his eyes changing colors in the light, curious and searching. They seemed almost needy, as if the answer to this question was of the utmost importance. Merlin felt like this was a line that shouldn’t be crossed, that this was something that he didn’t want to touch on. He ran away from this train of thought as if his ass was on fire every time.

But Arthur was looking at him, those slate eyes serious, and in a rare moment of openness.

Merlin let out a breath, affording Arthur the amount of honesty that this lifetime could afford.

“Once, I think,” Merlin told him, he still felt the presence of his poetic nature For some reason he felt that it would give gravity to the way that he felt, without actually telling.“When I was young, before I knew the way of things, when I was just starting to figure out what life could be before I had the chance. I fell in love with him before I knew anything about what it was. Then when I found out I never could tell him and I watched him die, never knowing.”

Arthur leaned against the wall, they were just staring at each other, for some reason they were both breathing hard.

“You loved him,” Arthur said in a faraway voice

Merlin nodded. “From the first moment. I always will.”

They just stood there on the street, a couple of feet away from each other. They stared at each other. They couldn’t figure out how to move away from this moment.

Finally, it was Arthur who moved. He pushed off the wall.

“You’re far too poetic when you are drunk,” he remarked, but it came out flat.

Merlin suddenly felt sober, he felt the twenty-two times that he had watched Arthur die. Every single time, he had let him go, let him rest without the weight of Merlin’s feelings.

They started walking again and Arthur looked over at Merlin, there was something sad in his eyes.

“I hope one day,” Arthur began. “I hope one day that I know that feeling.”

Merlin looked straight ahead. He thought of the unrequited life that he lived over and over again. Losing over and over again.

“I hope that you never have to know it,” Merlin told him.

And from the bottom of his heart he hoped that Arthur never would.

 

&

 

The next day, Merlin spent the early morning in his bed, trying to will himself better. He had always been shit at healing, especially on himself. He was so hung-over. He also wished that he were more likely to be one who blacked out. Embarrassment over what he said when he opened his mouth made it all worse.

Around nine Gaius came down to his room.

“Merlin,” Gaius said, far too loudly and properly. “There is a young woman here to see you.”

“Tell her to go away,” Merlin muttered. “I’m dying.”

He didn’t add that he was dying in both pain and shame.

“Over fifteen hundred years old and still can’t figure out how to not get hung over,” Gaius chastised.

“Or keep my mouth shut,” Merlin’s voice was muffled by his pillow as he tried to smother himself.

“It really is some kind of surprise that you have lasted this long,” Gaius said.

“Very true,” Merlin agreed.

“Merlin, Gaius?”

Merlin let out a groan. He was not really ready for this.

Morgana appeared at the bottom of the steps, she looked fresh and cheerful. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Merlin had never seen her look so relaxed.

“Your face lies,” Merlin muttered.

Morgana let out a laugh.

“Get up sleepy head,” she said. “We have basketball.”

Merlin let out a growl.

“Merlin, we all went through a lot of trouble to make sure that you were all caught up on basketball, so you can keep score and referee.”

“You took me out to watch a basketball game,” Merlin said, his face now only half buried in the pillow. “The hardship is astounding.”

“Get up,” Morgana told him. “Arthur makes us run laps if we’re late and I’m not running laps because your lazy ass won’t get out of bed.”

Merlin groaned and pulled himself out of his bed. He was glad to see he was clothed. It would have been quite embarrassing if he had decided to sleep in the nude.

He grabbed sweatpants and a t-shirt and went to his bathroom.

“You have a lovely little basement here,” Morgana called out to him.

Merlin internally grumbled.

He managed to put on his clothes and be in Morgana’s car in fifteen minutes.

She looked over at him from behind her sunglasses, sniffed, and then rolled down the windows.

“You reek,” she told him.

“You brought me,” Merlin mumbled.

“Fair enough,” she said with a grin. “Just let me know if you plan on throwing up on my white leather seats, I’d much rather pull over.”

&

Merlin began to feel a little better when he got to the court, being out in the fresh air was pleasant. They were playing at a park. It was a little rough, but everybody seemed to be happy. The teams were Arthur, Gwen, and Gwaine versus Leon, Morgana, and Percival.

He managed not to make calls that didn’t seem too far off base, at least nobody really complained much.

Except Arthur.

Arthur challenged every single one of his calls, it didn’t matter which team Merlin made them for.

Arthur and Gwen were an amazing team on the court. Gwaine seemed to just be their backup. They ended up winning two games against the others.

Finally everybody came and sprawled next to Merlin on the grass. Arthur stayed on the court, talking to three young boys. They began to play a game of HORSE.

Morgana looked over at him. “If you were to show me this six years ago, I would not believe that he was the boy I grew up with.”

“I loved the guy, back in the day,” Gwaine agreed. “But he was so much of an ass when he was younger.”

Morgana rolled his eyes. “He was pretty much unbearable.”

“But we had so much fun,” Gwaine agreed. “We used to tear things up.”

“He used to be so self absorbed,” Morgana laughed.

“It looks like whatever happened it was a good thing,” Merlin told them.

“What happened wasn’t any good,” Leon said seriously.

They all sobered up a little bit and looked at him.

“He was kind of a know-it-all when he got overseas,” Leon said, watching Arthur. “I really thought that he wouldn’t last long. He seemed to be above it all.”

“What changed?” Merlin asked, figuring that he knew somewhat. He had been on the front lines of many wars.

Leon cocked his head as they watched Arthur show the boys a secret of a jump shot.

“There was a town, it had been decimated by bombings from both sides,” Leon said quietly. “There were bullet holes everywhere. He had been there for about a month and I really was almost ready to shoot him myself. Then we got to that town and he looked around. Everybody living there looked half dead, they looked like a zombies. He looked around and grabbed our translator. I don’t know what he saw exactly, but he spent the day talking to the people. He seemed to want to know what their thoughts were. Those people seemed to light up a little. He watched that happen.”

Arthur let out a cheer as one of the boys made the basket.

“He was quieter after that,” Leon continued. “Like I said, I have no idea what he saw that day, but there was something different after that. We were of all classes, but he seemed to see us as family of sorts.”

They watched in silence for a minute. The wind blew over the grasses.

“The town was bombed two weeks later,” Leon said. “Every person that he had talked to was dead. He took it hard. For a few days I really didn’t know if he was going to make it. I expected him to call his father, find some way home.”

Merlin lips curved into a small smile. “But he didn’t.”

“No,” Leon said. “He didn’t. He stayed. He was the best out there.”

“Of course,” Merlin confirmed, proud of an Arthur he had nothing to do with.

“He was different when he came back,” Morgana said carefully. “It seemed like he saw everything all the sudden, but he was too scared to touch any of it.”

Arthur clapped one of the boys on the back.

“He held something in reserve,” Morgana said.

“Being home is an adjustment,” Leon agreed. “Sometimes it takes some time. Sometimes it just takes something to push us back into reality.

Merlin was so engrossed in watching Arthur he didn’t notice that Gwaine, Leon, and Morgana were watching him.

“I don’t think that he knew what reality was,” Morgana said, nodding towards Arthur.

Leon was looking at Merlin. “I think that he is figuring it out.”

 

&

 

“Wakey wakey," Arthur said, coming and plopping down on Merlin's bed.

Merlin blinked and opened his blurry eyes. Arthur was on his bed, propped up against the headboard, his legs crossed. He looked fresh and awake. Merlin squinted his eyes at the clock, which seemed to be trying to say that it was three-thirty-ish.

Once again Merlin tried to bring Arthur is in focus.

"Why am I here?" Arthur said with a calm grin.

Merlin hated him, but he couldn't really get the words out. He was simultaneously annoyed by Arthur's presence and appreciative of the telepathy that he seemed to channel this early.

“We have to go to New York,” Arthur said. “Plane leaves at six, we need to leave almost now, so put on one of your sub par suits and get a move on.”

Merlin blinked again. He’d been with Arthur for almost eleven months. Arthur was always randomly going off in every direction. Uther was always sending him to go to various places to do various dealings that Merlin could barely keep straight.

Because of the rapid pace and random times that Merlin could have to accompany Arthur, and he did have to accompany Arthur everywhere, there was a hanging bag and an overnight bag that lived by Merlin’s desk. He’d made use of it quite often.

Merlin sat up and looked around his room. He did not in fact have a bag anywhere in the vicinity.

“I stopped by the office and grabbed them,” Arthur said, bouncing a little on the bed. “Get out of bed and get ready.”

Merlin got out of bed and looked at Arthur who was still sprawled on the bed.

“I feel like our roles are not supposed to be like this,” Merlin said, voice still coming out soft and sleepy.

Arthur raised an eyebrow, his face seemed to be unguarded in the early hour, and he looked incredibly fond.

“We can discuss the profound way in which we approach the world and the divergence from the norms today, when we are in the car and on the way to the air port,” Arthur told him.

Merlin could barely fathom the words, so in response he just rolled his eyes and walked to his bathroom.

He looked in the mirror and saw his hair in every direction and lines on his face from his pillow.

For all the ways that he had considered Arthur in his bed, this was probably the most likely scenario of how it would happen. It was also the least desired one. The other ones were too much to hope for.

He got out his toothbrush and began to brush his teeth.

“Who are we meeting with?” Merlin yelled, his mouth full of toothpaste and toothbrush.

Arthur began to rattle off a list of people without a moment of hesitation.

Merlin began to mentally assimilate how they were going to possibly do what they needed to do. Personally he wondered how Uther ever had functioned without sending Morgana and Arthur to do his dirty work. It really was, a well-oiled machine.

No matter how hard Merlin pushed he never quite understood the unflagging loyalty that Arthur had for Uther. He always counted it as the fact that he had never had a father, not for more than a week. However sometimes, he could see the exceptional qualities of Uther, the things that made him a leader. Arthur would always worship is father. Uther always seemed so distant though, probably due to the early death of Arthur’s mother. For all the space emotionally between Uther and Arthur, there seemed to be genuine fondness and love from Uther.

This trip was for Uther’s plan to create support in creating better schools for the underprivileged.

Merlin had given it to Arthur, who had passed it on to his father. There had been some heated debates. In the end Uther trusted Arthur and when Uther got behind something it was like being smashed by a freight train.

“Oh yes,” Arthur added to his listing of their itinerary as Merlin came out of the bathroom. “We’re flying servant class.”

Merlin cocked his head. “Most people call it coach, you elitist prat.”

“Good, you’re awake,” Arthur said, moving to get off the bed. “Can you hurry? You’re going to make us late.”

Merlin went to his closet and then turned around and looked expectantly at Arthur.

Arthur rolled his eyes and made a great show of putting his hands over his eyes. Merlin had to snicker at the modesty of the time, he grabbed for his suit.

After a year he had accumulated seven, and hated each and every one.

He turned and saw that Arthur was looking at him.

He cocked his head. Arthur didn’t look away.

Then Arthur cocked his eyebrow. “It’s your naked ass Merlin, I’m fairly sure that it isn’t going to entice me at this time of the morning.”

Merlin turned around and cocked his head. “Are you making jokes?”

Arthur rolled his eyes.

Merlin wiggled his bottom. “Don’t pretend this isn’t giving you thoughts.”

Arthur bit back a smile. “Merlin, we are going to be late. Please, put that away.”

Merlin threw back his head and laughed. He made a quick job of changing into his suit and then looked back and Arthur who was still lounging on his bed, ankles crossed, hands behind his head.

“Do you want to leave now?” Merlin asked. “Or do you want to keep posing on my bed long enough that I can take some awesome blackmail pictures.”

Arthur sat up. “You wouldn’t.”

Merlin winked at him. “You could so easily be tabloid fodder.”

“Been there, done that,” Arthur said getting up. “Can we go do something that has something to do more with my mind than my genetic make up.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Let’s go grumpy, we’re off.”

&

Merlin followed Arthur through the lobby. Morgana was next to him, rapidly firing things to do at Gwen who was trying to copy things down in a notebook. Merlin was following Arthur, but watching Gwen and Morgana.

Which easily explained why he didn’t notice that Arthur had stopped to greet a man in a suit and managed to plow into Arthur.

Arthur turned to glare at Merlin.

“Sorry,” Merlin whispered. “Just wondering why we don’t ever do that kind of thing?”

Arthur’s face was stuck in a fake smile. There was a giggle from Gwen behind him.

“You seem to have a big issue walking, as you just demonstrated. I just didn’t want to overly complicate your job,” Arthur replied coolly.

Merlin gave him a grin. “You really are a smart man.”

Arthur let out a long-suffering sigh and turned to the man in the suit. “Pardon him he’s…”

Arthur made a hand gesture and the other man just nodded.

“Please follow me,” the man said. “I will show you to the conference room.”

Arthur and Morgana led them into the office. Gwen nudged him in the arm.

“This isn’t going to go well,” Gwen confided.

“I am aware,” Merlin said with a sigh. “All his hard work is being watered down.”

“And he doesn’t like it?” Gwen prompted.

“He’s not happy about some of the changes,” Merlin confided. “Something happened while we were on the plane. I think he read the updated proposal. He’s pissed at all the concessions that we have to make. He gave Uther a clean bill and now it is being pissed on.”

“You should see if he could change Uther’s mind,” Gwen suggested in a rush. It sounded more like something she was waiting to say rather than something that she had just come up with.

“Me?’ Merlin said, very confused.

“It isn’t good any more,” Gwen whispered, even more quietly.

“I more than realize it,” Merlin replied. “I am actually good at my job as his assistant, but Uther really wants this now.”

“Has Arthur said anything to you about it?” Gwen asked.

“You know he won’t go against Uther,” Merlin replied, looking at her through suspicious eyes. “What are you getting at?”

“Morgana agrees with you,” Gwen said quietly. “This bill, this isn’t good any more. Uther doesn’t listen to any of us though.”

Merlin just looked at Gwen.

“He’ll listen to Arthur,” Gwen said quietly. “You just have to get Arthur to speak up.”

“Me?” Merlin asked, honestly thinking that she knew that he had some sort of magic.

“You’re the only one that he listens to,” Gwen said quietly.

Merlin looked at her, she looked back. She was still a little timid, but underneath the fear was a whole lot of determination. He smiled at that, her grit was something that he’d really like to foster. If Arthur’s legacy was the foundation of what would be Brittan, it was her strength that had kept that goal in mind in the long years after his death.

“You want me to ask Arthur to stand up to Uther and reverse his position?” Merlin asked.

Gwen nodded. “The bill has gotten rotten, it isn’t what we were hoping for. Please Merlin, this is going to end up hurting more people than it will help.”

Merlin closed his eyes. They had spent so many lifetimes passing petitions just like this. She grounded him as much as Arthur, at times.

When he opened them he looked at her. “Is this enough, is this where you want him to take a stand against Uther?”

His question was slightly epic, but he knew that she would understand.

Gwen nodded.

Merlin let out a breath. He had lived long enough, seen more than enough to know that life didn’t change with the big things, the course of history began to diverge at the tiniest of moments.

“It his decision,” Merlin said.

Gwen’s doubt faded and a small smile on her lips and her words were careful, even as her eyes sparkled in approval. “It is his decision, but perhaps he should be made aware of it.”

Merlin couldn’t help but return her grin.

She raised an eyebrow. “You probably shouldn’t be so giddy when you break the news.”

She bit her lips together, a little cheeky.

Merlin gave her shrug. “It’s up to him.”

Her smile broke through. “I know he’ll do the right thing.”

There was certainty in her voice. Merlin felt it too. The boy that he had met during hi high school graduation had become a man, had become Arthur.

Arthur stormed out of the conference room and into the room that he was going to use as an office. The door slammed so loudly that everyone in the room jumped. Morgana followed the man out and looked at Gwen and Merlin.

She looked tired and worn, at the look on their faces made her cock her head. She crossed over to them.

“We bring this to Uther,” Morgana said.

“Merlin is going to talk to Arthur,” Gwen said.

Morgana lit up, dimples appearing, relief crossing her eyes.

“You are my most favorite,” Morgana said. “If it were a thing that was done I would totally give you a hug.”

Merlin blinked a bit. “Thank goodness, but you know that I have no real sway.”

Gwen and Morgana gave him matching looks of incredulousness.

Merlin had to grin at that. “Arthur is going to do what Arthur wants to do.”

“Yeah,” Morgana said with a raise to her eyebrow. “But methinks that Arthur actually doing anything will require a prod.”

Merlin gave a little bow. “Your prod is here.”

With that he walked towards the office with the door that still seemed to be vibrating with the previous force of the hurling it shut.

Merlin cautiously opened the door. Once a coffee mug had come flying as soon as he opened a door. He had learned that lesson with a red bump on his head, a splitting headache, and a bruise that had lasted for days.

He had learned caution, and also that HR was a bit of a scary place. They seemed to both threaten and beg his silence at the same time. Merlin was a bit amazed at their talent.

He had gone to Morgana right afterwards and she had laughed with him. That was the day that he realized the he felt a real kinship with her. She felt like his sister too.

Arthur was looking out the window, every line of his body taut and strained.

“It’s bullshit,” Arthur growled.

“Yes,” Merlin said, closing the door. “What are you going to do about it?”

If at all possible Arthur got tenser.

“You want me to go back on what I started? I stood up to him for this and you just want me to back down?”

“It isn’t what you want any more,” Merlin said evenly. “It is a bastardized version and you should tell him that.”

Arthur’s fists balled up at his side. “And what will that make me?”

It was a growl, something that came almost as a challenge.

“A man of principle,” Merlin said simply, his hands opening at his sides.

Arthur looked at him, his jaw grinding his teeth, vein throbbing.

They looked at each other for a few minutes. Arthur’s breathing started to come a little easier, a calm seemed to spread over him.

“I’ll get you drunk afterwards,” Merlin offered.

Arthur glared at him, but there wasn’t any heat in that. “We have an event tonight.”

Merlin nodded to the desk. “I’ll get you drunk on an open bar then. Let’s look at the talking points. You can yell for a while about which one you hate the most. I’ve made an appointment with Uther for one.”

Arthur blinked.

“I’m not constantly incompetent,” Merlin pointed out.

Arthur swallowed. “No, just routinely.”

“I’m not getting you drunk now,” Merlin told him.

Arthur sighed a little in defeat. “What should I do?”

It was a small question, one that barely seemed to hold the air it was spoken into.

“I can’t tell you that,” Merlin told him. “This is your conversation to have.”

Arthur just glared at him. Merlin wanted to tell him the answers, he wanted to tell him what to do, what Merlin thought he should do, but the fact of the matter was that he couldn’t force this.

“What do you want?” Merlin asked.

Arthur sighed. “I don’t want this bill to go through. I don’t want more people to attach their wants and bribes. I want either the clean bill or nothing.”

Merlin smiled. “So let’s figure out how to do that.”

Arthur looked uncertain. “And if we can’t.”

“Well then we’ll figure out how to drop it,” Merlin said.

Arthur closed his eyes.

Merlin just took this moment to enjoy being with Arthur, the one under the crust, the one that was actually a person full of all the emotions of a human. That was something that he only showed in rare moments, only with Merlin. Arthur seemed to realize that he could fall apart, that he could crack into pieces and Merlin wouldn’t judge.

They had only been together in this life for less than a year, but their cadence had already fallen into step. Their rhythm had already been reestablished.

Arthur opened his eyes and the hard edge was there again. “Let’s get down to work, we don’t have much time.”

&

When Merlin came out of the office, followed by Arthur, Merlin looked like he had been put through the ringer, his hair everywhere and his clothing wrinkled. Arthur looked perfect and polished.

“My father is at his hotel?” Arthur said, not waiting for an answer. He walked on, out of the office, he already knew the answer.

Morgana and Gwen watched Arthur’s determined figure leave the office.

Then they looked at Merlin.

“We have a lot of work to do,” Merlin said, having no idea where to start.

Morgana gave him a sly smile and Gwen lit up.

“Give it ten minutes,” Morgana said, holding out a cup to Merlin. “Drink your coffee.”

Merlin gave her a skeptical stare. “What do you have up your sleeve?”

Morgana looked at her cellphone and then back at Merlin. “Sit. Be quiet, enjoy the moment for just nine minutes.”

Merlin didn’t move, he just looked at her as if he could read her mind. He really wished that was something that he could actually do. He really needed to figure out how to do something like that.

She didn’t move. Finally Merlin gave in and sat down and took the coffee.

He opened his mouth. She held up a hand and shook her head. Merlin cocked his head and heard Gwen stifle a giggle. Merlin made a great show of crossing his legs and sipping his coffee.

He was quite sure that time must have stopped in the remaining nine minutes, he was about to speak, actually he was about to explode when the door was thrown open.

“Called in the cavalry?” Gwaine said coming into the room.

Lancelot followed him.

Merlin looked over at Morgana.

“You called in the troops?” he asked her with a grin.

She shrugged. “Of course my dear. We need a speechwriter for whatever comes out of Arthur telling Uther he needs to push back. We need Lance to start making calls. We have a lot to do. We are going to undo the work that we spent two weeks working on. We’re good, so undoing is going to be a challenge. We have to have all of this done by the time we go to the fundraiser so we can start canvassing.”

Morgana calmly laid out the plan. She had been raised in all of that, it was simple to her, so simple that it nearly made Merlin’s head explode. She was effortlessly effective.

“So what do we need to do?” Gwaine said.

He realized that they were all looking towards him, that they were all waiting on his word for the next step. Merlin swallowed.

“Let’s fire up the phones, Gwaine, we need talking points, we need to have a strong reason behind the things that we’re doing.”

Gwen reached for a marker and began to write on the whiteboard, Morgana turned towards her phone. Gwaine fired up his laptop and Lancelot grabbed papers off his desk and moved to stand behind Gwen to help her set up the board.

Merlin reached for a pen. He closed his eyes. He could almost feel the faint echo of Arthur’s heart. He knew that Arthur was angry, fired up.

There was no cowering. Arthur would show Uther the side of him that everybody else saw.

“How pissed do you think Uther is going to be?” Merlin asked Morgana quietly.

Morgana looked up and covered her phone. “I’m fairly sure that the term enraged was created for this situation.”

Merlin sighed.

“Bugger.”

&

Two and a half hours later Arthur walked back into their little makeshift headquarters. People barely looked up, they were engrossed in what they were doing.

Merlin walked up to him.

“You guys are moving heaven and earth right now aren’t you?” Arthur asked, a little awe in his voice.

“Were we a little premature?” Merlin asked.

“With trying to change everything last minute?” Arthur asked. “Yes and no.”

“Is Uther going to let us try to change his mind?” Morgana asked, not really holding too much hope.

Arthur looked at the room around him.

“He’s mad,” Arthur said. “He hates looking weak in public. He hates backing down.”

“That is just the no part,” Merlin pointed out. “You said yes too.”

Arthur gave a brilliant smile. “If we’re really quiet and make the changes then he won’t be able to back down and look weak in public, by changing back what he just changed.”

Merlin tisked. “You do know that even if you can’t get fired, the rest of us can.”

“Leon is going to keep him busy. Percy is going to report back to us about his whereabouts,” Arthur said and then gestured towards the door. “But if you’re not up to the task, you don’t have to be here.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and picked up a pad of paper.

“Do that rapid fire spitting directions thing and don’t start walking,” Merlin said.

Arthur started giving instructions, Merlin tried not to smile as he furiously took down notes.

&

Merlin was lying on Arthur’s bed, talking on his phone. Arthur had a place in the city and they all had taken it over for last minute prep and dressing. The girls and Arthur seemed to take forever to get ready.

Merlin had been ready for half an hour, after a short shower. The girls were in the bathroom and Lancelot and Gwaine were in the living room, already showered and dressed.

Lancelot popped his head in the room. “Percy called, he wanted to give the heads up that Gaius will give Uther the files in an hour and he’ll probably storm into the banquet.”

“We’re leaving in two minutes,” Arthur yelled as he fixed his tie.

Merlin got up. Arthur looked over at him. Lancelot left the room.

“You’re wrinkled,” Arthur informed him.

The edges of Merlin’s mouth lifted a little. He stood up and crossed the room. He stood in front of Arthur and reached up to the bow tie. With deft fingers he began to tie the tie.

Merlin couldn’t look up. He could feel every piece of clothing, every tie, he could feel centuries of preparing Arthur for the next event. It wasn’t anything new, there was always a next.

But this was the moment that Merlin loved the most. This was the quiet before the storm.

Time seemed to stop as Merlin’s fingers remembered the proper way to do this. Merlin was acutely aware of Arthur’s breath, the tiny catch. He could feel his heartbeat.

Merlin let his magic run over him, let himself be aware of it all. This wasn’t the first time, this wouldn’t be the last, but it was these moments that were his collection of a long life, one lived well.

He basked in the feel of Arthur. He closed his eyes as he finished, fingers still on Arthur’s tie. This was his, this was what he had never allowed himself, momentary intimacy. He was close and only he knew how much he was playing chicken with both of their emotions.

Arthur didn’t move away.

Merlin opened his eyes and looked up.

Arthur was looking at him, eyes a storm cloud, but he didn’t even look away.

Merlin couldn’t figure out how to breathe at the look in Arthur’s eyes.

Arthur’s eyes went down to Merlin’s mouth.

It was a sign as loud as a scream.

Merlin looked at him steadily and Arthur’s eyes returned to Merlin’s. Merlin smoothed Arthur’s tie and took a step back, breaking the moment. He pulled all of his magic back into himself, He tried to put all of his parts back in order.

Arthur stood up straighter.

Morgana walked into the room. She looked at Arthur and then Merlin and then back again. She didn’t say anything, just nodded.

“Ready?” she asked, her eyes wide open, looking at them.

Arthur turned to her and nodded. He walked to the door, Merlin fell into step just behind him, and Morgana swirled after them. Gwaine picked up his laptop and followed. Lancelot held his arm out for Gwen and they brought up the rear.

They walked out the door.

&

Merlin stood next to Gwaine who was at a corner table typing away. Merlin was watching the room. Lancelot was earnestly talking to an older woman. Gwen was whispering to a couple. Morgana was smiling full of flirt and seduction at a well-dressed, middle-aged man. Arthur was in the middle of the room, talking to an older man with a full entourage.

“Time?” Merlin asked.

“We have fifteen,” Gwaine said, not bothering to look up.

Merlin looked at his phone. Leon had texted that everything was on the track.

“Go do a loop,” Gwaine told him. “See what the count is.”

Merlin nodded. He was a little giddy. There was something about this situation. He could feel something coalescing.

He walked to Gwen’s corner, one hand was behind her back, her fingers were crossed, their predetermined sign that things were going well. Merlin smiled. He walked towards Lancelot. Lancelot tapped his thigh with crossed fingers. Merlin turned towards Morgana. She was looking at her mark as if he were the only thing in the room.

Merlin rolled his eyes and blew a small breath. He let his magic carry it and fly over her. She gracefully swatted at her neck. Her face remained enraptured with the man in front of her, but her fingers crossed behind her neck and then she gave him the middle finger, followed by a two-finger salute, just in case he didn’t realize the meaning of only one finger.

Merlin wanted to ruffle her hair with another blast of wind, but she would probably kill him for it, even if she had no proof about such things. Morgana may not know what was going on exactly, but there was something in her eyes that was strangely perceptive.

Taking a deep breath Merlin walked towards Arthur. Reading Arthur’s posture wasn’t that hard, he knew that Arthur was a minute away from jumping down this guy’s throat.

Merlin’s phone buzzed. He looked at it, it was from Percival.

_Incoming_

Merlin walked up and stood next to Arthur. Arthur pretended to be listening to the man in front of him. Merlin leaned over and whispered into Arthur’s ear, speaking low enough so only he could hear.

“If you really want to kill him, it might be okay. Uther is incoming and he probably will kill you anyway, no punishment if you do it now and quickly.”

Arthur coughed into his hand, the man in front of them looked at them quizzically.

“Really I have a butter knife I took from the table, I’m sure you could make good work of it,” Merlin whispered, his voice warm against Arthur’s ear. The situation was faded again and it was just the two of them.

Arthur turned to look at him. The look was barely contained hilarity and stark murder.

Merlin attempted look that he assumed was docile, but probably was something more akin to idiocy.

Arthur breathed deeply and then nodded, smothering both emotions.

“I must go,” Arthur said with complete calm and confidence. “I’m going to go talk to my father, I think that he’ll be very interested by some of the revelations here. I know it was short notice, but I really was hoping to deliver him some good news. However, it seems as if you don’t see it quite are way. More the pity, we are offering you the right thing to do. I will tell my father of your decisions.”

The men all straightened.

“Perhaps we can speak to Senator Pendragon about it,” the leader finally said.

Arthur didn’t telegraph any kind of change at all, but Merlin looked down at Arthur’s hands. The fingers on his right hand crossed. Merlin nodded and went back to Gwaine, letting Arthur finish his conversation.

Gwaine was picking up his computer. “I wrote his talking points. I can write a speech when we know which way that this is going to go, we should have something if he needs it by the end of the reception.”

“How is his eulogy going?” Merlin muttered as they moved towards the door to greet Uther.

“I’ve been working on that since he met you,” Gwaine told Merlin.

Merlin couldn’t help but shiver at the aptness of that statement. Nobody needed to know how much from the moment that Merlin stepped into Arthur’s life he had begun to die. No matter how many good deeds that were managed, Merlin would watch the light fade from Arthur’s eyes and he would be alone again.

Arthur came up to stride with them.

“Tonight, we dine in hell,” Arthur muttered.

Merlin was confused.

“It’s from 300,” Arthur said without even looking at Merlin’s face.

“300?” Merlin asked.

“Yes, the movie about the half naked guys killing lots of things,” Gwaine said, rolling his eyes at Arthur. “You would quote that.”

“Merlin should keep up on his pop culture,” Arthur replied.

Gwaine snorted.

Every one else came behind them. Lancelot was checking his phone.

“Leon says that they’re pulling up now,” Lancelot said.

Arthur walked them towards the door, they stood in the side of the entry room. They were there for seconds when Uther came striding in. Leon and Gaius besides him, the rest of his crew trailing behind him.

Arthur stood, his arms by his side. Uther noticed them. Uther’s face was calm, but his fingers twitched in surprise.

With purpose, he strode over to Arthur.

Arthur didn’t betray a bit of feeling.

Uther scowled deeply at his son.

“We’ve got it,” Arthur said.

For once Uther didn’t seem to care at all that everyone was there, that they were just outside of an important political function. Uther was seething.

“You had no right,” Uther told him.

“I proposed it,” Arthur said testing around the edges. He looked that way often when he was playing chess.

“And when you gave it to me, you put it in the public sphere,” Uther informed him. “That is how things are done, you propose things and to get them implemented you have put them through the process.”

Arthur leveled his chin. “I’m not going to bastardize it just to get it done, that isn’t how I wanted to play.”

“It is not your proposal,” Uther said with clenched teeth. “You put it out there and this is what happens for you to get what you want.”

“No,” Arthur said. “Not like this. Not with those riders.”

Uther looked like was about to breathe fire out of his nose.

“This is my job, the people elected me to do it,” Uther told him harshly.

“Then pardon me sir,” Arthur said with ire matching his father’s. “But you’re screwing them over.”

Merlin’s fist clenched he readied his magic, just in case Uther wanted to take a swing. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“I want to help the people, to do what is best for your constituency,” Arthur continued. “I want the best for those we serve. Eating a little crow is acceptable if it gets the job done.”

Uther was seething. Every muscle in his body was chorded.

“That is easy for you to say,” Uther reminded him. “It is my shoulders that this will be placed on, my face that will be mocked.”

“And they will say that you are a man of high standards,” Arthur said calmly. “They will say that you are a man who demands quality.”

“They will say I am a man who throws a temper tantrum when you don’t get what I want,” Uther growled.

Arthur shook his head. “Come in the breakout room. We’ll show you where we got to.”

Uther looked at the gathered group.

“Bring your information,” Uther said, glaring at them.

He turned and walked to one of the small rooms near the bathroom.

“That sounded like we need to get our resumes together,” Gwen said, wringing her hands.

Gwaine handed Arthur his computer. “Everything is here.”

The tone of his voice was ‘our careers are in your hands’.

Arthur took the computer and followed his father. When they were out of sight the entire group let out a collective breath.

“This was a really stupid thing to do,” Gwaine said and then he shrugged. “Good things that I love me a little scandal. Pissing off Uther really is one of my small joys in life.”

Morgana looked at him. “You’re his voice.”

“I know,” Gwaine shrugged. “It’s hard to be nice all the time.”

Lancelot snorted.

“We’ve done everything we can,” Gwen said. “We have a table, I think we should take advantage of the open bar.”

“The little lady is a lush,” Gwaine said, flourishing his hand for her.

Lancelot cleared his throat. Gwaine just rolled his eyes and winked at her. With that he turned on his heel and held his hand out to Merlin.

“You’re the only single one left,” Gwaine said expectantly.

Percival cleared his throat behind them.

With a sigh Gwaine held out his other arm.

Merlin laughed, but he looked to closed door of the room where Arthur and Uther were.

“Let’s go make a scene,” Gwaine said.

Morgana grinned and curled into Leon. “Oh honey, don’t you know, we are the scene.”

&

“You know what I wish?” Morgana said, leaning in, her hand clasped around her wine glass.

“That you didn’t have to wear these ungodly heels?” Gwen sighed, sipping from her own glass.

“That these things were less ungodly boring?” Leon sighed.

“That they would hurry up?” Lancelot said under his breath.

“That Uther had never had a torrid affair with your mother,” Gwaine guessed, chugging his whiskey.

Morgana gave him a tight smile. “No Gwaine, I don’t wish that I had never been born. Today isn’t that bad.”

Merlin was silent, his glass and goblet still untouched, his eyes focused on the entryway. They had been waiting for two hours now.

Uther swept into the room, followed by Gaius.

“Leon, Percival,” Merlin said, straightening.

Leon looked over and stood up. “I am almost too drunk for this. Wish me luck.”

Morgana kissed his hand and he strode off as Uther went to the far side of the room, Percival at his heels.

Merlin rose, still more than steady on his feet. Everyone else stayed where they were, they just watched Merlin. He tried to keep a normal pace, but it was more brisk than usual. By the time he was out of the hall he was nearly running.

Arthur was against a far wall, leaning against it as if he couldn’t bear to carry his own weight any more.

Arthur looked up, his eyes sullen.

“He’s going to do it,” Arthur said. “At the least I convinced him that going back and forth he would look worse. We figured out that at twenty minutes. The next hour, we had what would be a discussion in the same way that rugby games are discussions. He’s had ten minutes of prep.”

Arthur pushed himself off of the wall and moved towards the door.

“He also asked us all to stay out of his hair,” Arthur said. “We’re not to come into the office on Monday while he decides what to with our ‘insurrection’, so if you don’t mind me leaving, I’m leaving.”

“Should I get everybody else?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shrugged and made for the door. “Do whatever you want.”

Merlin looked back to the gathering and then followed Arthur.

Arthur didn’t look surprised.

“What are you doing?” he asked anyway.

“You said whatever I wanted,” Merlin replied.

“You don’t want your coat?” Arthur asked, exiting the doors.

Merlin shrugged against the cool late fall night air. He knew getting his coat would mean that Arthur would disappear.

“I’m fine,” Merlin told him.

Arthur snorted. “You’re a liar.”

At that, Arthur raised his arm to hail a cab. As with all things in Arthur’s life, a cab magically appeared and stopped. Arthur opened his eyes. Merlin hesitated. Arthur looked at him with raised eyebrow.

“Coming?” Arthur asked.

Merlin followed immediately.

Because that is what he did.

&

They were silent for the ride. Arthur had given the address to a small bar in Brooklyn. This wasn’t the place where anyone would come looking for them. In fact it was hardly a place that any of their group would happen upon, especially tonight.

Arthur spoke only to order drinks. The bartender came back with two shots and two beers. Arthur took the first shot and when Merlin didn’t reach for the other shot Arthur grabbed it and drank it down. He didn’t look at Merlin, he just took the drink and moved to a table in the back.

When they were sitting at a table, Arthur took to looking at his beer as if it held all of the answers of life. Merlin took to looking at Arthur.

“Was it bad?” Merlin asked, immediately kicking himself.

Arthur looked up at him, as if Merlin were an idiot.

“Of course it was bad,” Merlin rushed on. “I know it was awful, but do you want to talk to me about it?”

Merlin again wanted to kick himself.

Arthur sighed. “You always talk like you’re working for me.”

“Because I do?” Merlin said, confused at the sudden change of conversation.

For as long as he could remember that had been his job.

“What do you do when you’re not with me?” Arthur asked. “What kind of life do you want? Are you dating anyone? Do you wish that you were? What are your hopes?”

Merlin’s jaw dropped.

“I don’t have friends,” Arthur told Merlin with a little bit of maudlin.

Merlin looked confused. “I think you have many of those.”

“I don’t,” Arthur told him. “I have people who will die for me and hangers on, but I don’t have anyone that I go to when I have a bad day. I don’t have people I trust, not even Morgana some of the time. I was raised to think that I’m in competition with the rest of the world and I’ve never been able to give that up.”

At that, Merlin really wished he had taken that shot.

“What did he say Arthur?” Merlin asked.

“The short version?” Merlin asked, drinking down his beer and motioning the waitress for another round. “He said that he had plans for me. He told me that there was a way to do things and that I didn’t understand, he said that my compassion would be my undoing. That I was short sighted.”

Merlin shook his head. “Your compassion is what makes you great. Uther has had to fight for his place, you’re different. You don’t have to force people, to be great.”

Arthur looked at him. His wide eyes seemed to take in Merlin, he seemed to be in a bit of shock. Merlin just looked back, he knew that his breath was catching in his throat, he could feel himself full of pins and needles.

“Answer me something,” Merlin said, hoping that this would resurrect his sanity and his defenses.

Arthur shrugged as the drinks were delivered. He took a sip and motioned for Merlin to go on.

“Did you do what you thought was best for the people that Uther represents?” Arthur asked.

Arthur nodded.

“Did you tell your father that? Did you explain to him the benefit analysis versus before and after people tagged things onto it? Did you explain everything that we pulled together today?” Merlin continued.

“Of course I did,” Arthur sighed into his drink.

Merlin studied him for a moment before speaking.

“You’re being a self pitying arse,” Merlin finally told him.

Arthur looked up, a little startled.

“You don’t have cancer,” Merlin told him. “You’re not dying. You just took a step towards living, you took a step on your own two feet. You’re just going towards a life worth living. Instead of sulking, you should be celebrating.”

Arthur’s look of incredulousness deepened.

“I know that you’ve always been a little intimidated by Uther, but trust me, once you get your feet under you, you’ll eclipse him,” Merlin promised.

He had never known that to be untrue. Uther was always a forgotten footnote. It was always Arthur.

Arthur looked at Merlin, after that little pep talk, with complete misery.

“Okay,” Merlin said. “Let’s get you drunk. I promised.”

Merlin motioned for the waitress.

“Shots?” Arthur asked hopefully.

Merlin sighed. It was going to be a long night of self-pity.

&

Merlin was watching the dance floor, cringing. It wasn’t so much as Arthur was a bad dancer, it was more that he was a really bad dancer.

Merlin’s phone rang.

“I’ve got him,” Merlin said.

“We figured, that is why you didn’t get a call for a few hours,” Morgana said. “How is my baby brother?”

Merlin grimaced at the dance floor. “He’s dancing his troubles away.”

He expected a laugh, instead Morgana was silent for a second.

“Don’t go home with him tonight,” Morgana finally said in a strangled voice.

“What?” Merlin said. “You want me to just leave him here?”

Morgana paused again and then sighed. “Merlin, don’t be dense.”

Merlin watched as Arthur closed his eyes and slid against the guy behind him. The guy’s hand moved to Arthur’s hip. Arthur looked in ecstasy as he basically had clothed sex on the dance floor.

It wouldn’t take much more than ten steps and he could have that. His evil brain was telling him that he always had the next lifetime to make it up to Arthur, that it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“He’s my friend Morgana,” Merlin told her. “I wouldn’t do that. I’m not some creeper who is going to take advantage of your poor drunk brother.”

“Oh pookey,” Morgana sighed. “I’m more worried about him putting his charm up to thirteen, and you wake up in his bed and then you both hate him for it.”

“Glad to know you think I’m just going to buckle the moment he crooks his drunken finger,” Merlin muttered.

Merlin looked at Arthur. That was the thing that he couldn’t touch. It would mean too much to him, more than Arthur would never know. He couldn’t do something so one sided.

“I don’t want to loose you,” Morgana told him on no uncertain terms.

“This is an inspiring pep talk,” Merlin told her. “Un-needed, but inspiring. So let’s twist this away from the fact that you have the expectation that I’m going to throw away my really nice career for the second time tonight for Arthur’s very nice ass, and let’s focus on strategy for figuring out when I should cut him off.”

Morgana snorted. “He’s an adult, from your description a drunken adult, but an adult nonetheless. Let him do what he wants.”

“But just not with me?” Merlin asked offended.

“You’re really a smart little boy,” Morgana told him. “Let him do plenty with people we don’t care about.”

Merlin watched Arthur dance, people flocking to him, his smile thrown out like candy.

“You can do that, right?” Morgana said. Merlin wished her tone was mocking, but it was honest concern.

The true answer was: probably not.

“Morgana, is there anything else?” Merlin said. “I really need to take some pictures so Arthur can see what he looks like when dignity leaves him.”

Morgana laughed at that. “Take care of him Merlin and please don’t fuck my baby brother.”

Merlin hung up on her.

With a sigh he went to the dance floor, where a newly de-shirted Arthur was sandwiched between two men.

Merlin made his way through the crowd.

Arthur saw him and grinned. It was so easy and free it nearly made Merlin’s heart break a bit.

“Merlin,” Arthur said.

The way he spoke was like butter, bringing looks of displeasure from the two men around Arthur.

Arthur shooed them off, even though they showed annoyance at their dismissal.

Merlin braced himself as Arthur came and slithered around him.

“Hi,” Arthur said breathlessly, arms going everywhere.

Merlin hated so much of destiny at the given moment, as he attempted to pluck Arthur’s arms from him. Arthur didn’t seem to want to comply. Merlin was not having this.

“You have two choices,” Merlin said with a primness that made Arthur giggle. Merlin rolled his eyes, giggling Arthur really was the worst Arthur. “You can either stay here and go home with one or both of the guys you were grinding with or you can come and sleep in your own New York City bed, alone.”

Arthur gave a pout. “I think those are both terrible ideas.”

Merlin looked at him through narrowed eyes. “Yeah, they’re better than anything you’re probably thinking.”

Quite a few thoughts were telegraphed over Arthur’s face, Merlin assumed that all of them were things that he didn’t want to know.

“Hey,” one of the guys Arthur had been dancing with butted in. “Is this guy bothering you?”

Merlin gave them a withering look. It was most definitely Arthur who was snaking his hand into Merlin’s pants. Merlin totally felt as if he were the one getting ‘bothered.’

Fortunately for Merlin, Arthur had the most incredible ‘get the fuck away from me’ face. The two guys shrunk back. Arthur looked back at Merlin with a grin.

Merlin tried a no-nonsense look. Arthur giggled, until he realized that Merlin meant it.

Finally Arthur gave a put out sigh and removed his hands. “Fine, but you’re paying for the cab.”

Merlin laughed.

“You’re pretty when you laugh,” Arthur said, leaning in.

Merlin heroically pushed Arthur away.

Arthur gave the pretty little pout again.

“Oh yes,” Arthur said absentmindedly. “Home. Bed alone. Where is my shirt?”

One of Arthur’s hands went to his own nipple and seemed to play with it for a second, as Arthur looked for his errant shirt.

Merlin closed his eyes and prayed for strength.

&

Merlin was woken up by a body bombing into his bed.

Again.

He buried himself deeper into the comfortable soft bed.

The body cleared its throat.

Merlin buried his head further under the pillow.

Sharp nails poked at him.

“Merlin,” she said at an unbearably perky tone. “Why is Arthur wearing only a jacket and boxers while he is drooling on his couch? You seem to be in respectable pajamas in his really big bed.”

“Drunk Arthur thinks that words coming out of his mouth are decrees,” Merlin said into his pillow.

“And you convinced Drunk Arthur that he wanted to sleep on the couch and you should have his bed?” Morgana asked, admiration.

Merlin raised his head. “Never again, with Drunk Arthur.”

Morgana let out a tinkling laugh.

“I promise nothing,” Morgana told him. “However now you get to meet Hungover Arthur, Gwen and I have to go out, very important business.”

“Shopping,” Merlin accused.

“Smart boy,” Morgana told him. “Go wake him up. We got bagels, there are eggs in the fridge, coffee is brewing.”

Merlin cursed her a million times as she left, and once again as she popped back into the room.

“You might want to bring baby brother some clothes,” Morgana told him. “Pajamas are in the top drawer. We’re all temporarily on work hiatus so try to see if you can get him out in the sun, maybe attempt to see if he would like to know what fun is.”

“He’s had too much fun already,” Merlin grumbled.

He was left with Morgana’s laughter and a desire to get up. He went to the bathroom washed his face and then grabbed Arthur’s clothes for him. Arthur was sprawled most un-kingly on the couch.

Merlin threw the clothes at him.

“Time to get up sunshine,” Merlin said with a perkiness that he didn’t feel.

He went to the kitchen and rustled around for a glass. There was aspirin on the counter. He took the tablets and the glass of water and went back to where Arthur was moaning, his pajamas still untouched on top of him.

Merlin held out the glass and pills. Arthur popped an eye and made a feeble grab for them. He managed to take them, spilling only minimal water on himself.

Arthur slowly sat up and glared at Merlin.

“I know you hate me right now,” Merlin told him, because apparently whoever woke up first got the psychic powers. “But you’re probably going to really hate me after what have to say next.”

Arthur mutely raised his eyebrows in expectation.

“Pretty sure that after de-spackling you from your fan club on the floor and listening to all your woes, we’re friends now.”

Arthur almost smiled at that. He was a little too green to actually get the expression to fruition though.

“Like if I’m your only friend,” Merlin continued. “I’m your best friend. See Arthur, we’re besties now.”

Arthur tried to roll his eyes and push Merlin off the couch. Halfway through that he suddenly lurched and ran off to the bathroom, retching quickly followed the sprint.

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh at the response.

&

“This is probably the most pathetic that I I’ve ever felt,” Morgana said from the couch. “I’m itching to check my e-mail, but Uther has us all suspended.”

Gwen handed her the ice cream from the floor where she and Lancelot were in a blanket pile. Morgana was in an afghan on the couch, her feet on Leon’s lap. He and Gwaine were side by side on the couch were sipping beers. Merlin was on his stomach on the floor playing chess with Arthur.

“It’s ten in the morning,” Gwaine sighed. “I remember once this thing called sleeping in.”

“You didn’t grow up with Uther,” Morgana muttered.

“Check,” Arthur said.

It was the only thing that he had said since everyone got up that morning and they had put on Star Wars and ignored the fact that they were all supposed to be in Washington DC. They had all stayed in New York, holed up in Arthur’s apartment, which was beginning to look like a war zone.

“Rook to E3,” Leon said, staring at the board instead of the movie. “Really Merlin, I have no idea how you got the pieces in that arrangement. I’m not even sure that it was made by legitimate moves.”

Merlin had already lost four games, so any help that he could get was be appreciated.

The ringing of Arthur’s cellphone began. They all turned to look at where it sat on the end table. Arthur’s eyes didn’t move from the board.

Gwaine reached out and picked it up.

“Uther.”

Everyone’s eyes looked at Arthur.

Arthur didn’t move for a ring, then he slowly reached out a hand.

Gwaine threw the phone at him and Arthur connected the call and stood up.

“This is Arthur,” he said, not sounding like he was unshaven and still in pajamas.

Arthur listened and his face remained solemn, but his eyes narrowed.

“No, we’re all still in New York,” Arthur said.

Arthur looked at all of them gathered in the room.

“I will see,” Arthur said, speaking precisely. “I will let you know our decision.”

Arthur hung up the phone and looked at the room.

He tapped the phone against his lips. Everyone was looking at him.

“For the love of fuck, speak,” Morgana said, nearly falling off the couch.

“That was Gaius, there is news,” Arthur said. “Uther wants us back in the office. There is a flight in three hours. He bought all of us tickets.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “Uther? Really?”

“Gaius said that we were all needed, that we all had our places,” Arthur said.

Most of the room let out a sigh of relief.

Arthur looked thoughtful. “Let’s not go back with our tails between our legs. We did something that we thought was right, we did something that really has the ability to help people. I want to make sure that when we go back we still have the opportunity to so. We walk back there, but we walk back with our heads high, sure of what we are doing.”

Everyone was silent.

“Dibs on shower,” Morgana said getting up. “Might as well be pretty when Uther knocks our heads off.”

“He’s technically not allowed to do that anymore,” Merlin muttered, still looking up at Arthur.

Arthur looked down at Merlin. “Get your sorry ass up, unless you want to stay here.”

“You’d miss me,” Merlin told him.

The edge of Arthur’s mouth quirked. “You wish.”

He walked away and Merlin’s mind touched on all the things that he wished. He let himself think about wishes and dreams, things that he wanted.

With a sigh he pushed it back down, because his life wasn’t really about what he wanted. That was abundantly clear.

&

“I really feel like we’re getting really good at walking in like a badass posse,” Gwaine said as they entered the Pendragon Senate offices.

Arthur, king of poise and proper behavior, flipped him off.

“I love the new you, bro,” Morgana said, taking off her sunglasses.

He looked over at her. She leaned in and spoke into his ear. Only Merlin was close enough to hear what he said.

“And Uther is going to love it too.”

They walked into the office to find Gaius waiting there. He looked at the group of them gathered together. There was a little tug at the corner of his mouth.

“Welcome back,” Gaius said. “As I said on the phone we’ve had some developments. Uther wants to speak to Morgana and Arthur right away.”

Gaius looked over at Merlin and then nodded.

“He said you could bring the Welshman too,” Gaius said, cocking his head a little at Merlin. “He said it would save time in having to brief him later.”

Merlin was the only one in the room who looked surprised.

“Close your mouth Merlin,” Arthur told him. “We’re back to being grown ups.”

Merlin shut his mouth with a snap. Morgana gave her luggage and coat to Gwen, Lancelot and Gwaine took Merlin and Arthur’s things.

Arthur looked back once at Merlin. For a second he looked worried. Then Merlin nodded and Arthur snapped front.

They walked to Uther’s office. When they got there he was looking out of the window, his back towards them. They stood for a minute, waiting on his recognition.

Finally he sighed.

“What you did was not your responsibility,” Uther told them. “I was elected to this position and this is my job.”

The three other members in the room, stood a little taller.

Uther continued. “In most situations it would seem that this could cause us support that we need in order to function in this job, to get funds to be re-elected, to pass more legislation.”

Arthur tilted his head. “And in this situation?”

Uther let out a long breath. “In this situation you were right.”

Merlin tried to not start jumping up in joy. He had a feeling that it wouldn’t be appreciated by any party.

“In this situation what you did might just have done something that has rather unexpected results,” Uther said.

Uther went silent again.

Arthur spoke up. “What happened, sir?”

“I got a call from the President this morning,” Uther said, he looked as if he did not want to be having this conversation, to be admitting how right his children had been, but he went ahead anyway. “He told me that he heard about the work that I had done on the latest bill. He told me he had been watching me for a very long time, but this latest work really clinched everything. He told me that he had to keep it very low key, but he wanted to nominate me to be the next Secretary of State.”

Nobody spoke.

Finally Arthur cleared his throat. “Congratulations, father.”

Uther exhaled a bit. “I am under no illusions that this is in large part because of your little coup. I want to tell you two thank you, I appreciate all that you’ve done for me.”

They both looked at him sharply.

“I’m not firing you,” Uther said. “I want you to begin preparation with the White House vetting committee.”

They started breathing evenly again.

Uther’s face took on a look of pride at his two children. “I have no doubt that my success is due to the two of you. This is just one more thing in quite a long line of things that you two have done in service to this country. All of those things have been attributed to me, but more and more people notice who is instrumental in these moves. I brought you in here not just to ask you, and by proxy Merlin, to help with the vetting, but I also want to ask you both if you would consider transitioning with me to the Cabinet.”

Morgana looked over at Arthur.

Arthur nodded. “You’ve seen what we can do. We want the freedom to be able to do what we do. We want a long leash.”

Uther raised his eyebrow. “We’re going to be going to a whole new level.”

“And we are the people that you trust most,” Arthur said. “We are the people that can get things done the best.”

“So it seems,” Uther said, his face shining with pride for his son. “You have it.”

“Then it looks like we’re going to have a whole new adventure, father,” Arthur told him.

Uther held up his hands. “God willing, we won’t have to run for another office ever again.”

Arthur smiled.

Uther looked down at Merlin. “I’m going to need you to work closely with Gaius, this needs to be done quietly. I’m under no illusions that the rest of your little group will have knowledge, I also trust that they won’t leak it. I want you two to keep working to make sure that my day to day job is impeccable.”

“Sounds like a vacation,” Arthur said with a grin.

Uther breathed deeply

Merlin tried very hard to bite back his hysterical laughter. The look on Arthur’s face at that comment was the same one that Arthur wore for the first week of Merlin coming to the offices.

&

The following weeks were mind-numbingly busy. Merlin forgot that sleep was something he could choose to lay down for, and not something that he would fight until he had to submit.

The office felt that something was going on, but only Merlin, Morgana, and Arthur were privy to the details.

Merlin’s mind began to wonder, for a time he considered if he was actually going insane. He was seriously losing touch with reality. He couldn’t really think about anything but what was in front of him.

He had tunnel vision and he had lost all internal monologue early on. That had gotten him some really awkward stares, as he muttered about lives that none of them remembered having.

Fortunately all of them were as insane as he was, so it kind of became a running joke among all of them.

One late night Merlin was sitting at a table with Gaius, trying to figure out the paperwork that the White House had just sent over.

Gaius looked up, into the air. “I wonder what Arthur’s purpose for being here is.”

“Wouldn’t that be lovely, knowing things,” Merlin replied, not even looking up. “We never know, what Arthur does. He usually just sets things up to be better. In his first life he set Gwen up for her successes.”

Gaius leaned back. “I think the one I guessed the least was in Italy. I thought you were going to do something like end the Crusade, he had the ear of the Pope. Instead what he did was inspired Martin Luther before that fool boy got the plague.”

Merlin tried not to cringe. That was probably the second moment of regret. At least Uther didn’t have to know that one. Merlin knew he was probably responsible for that death too.

“You make him sound like a muse,” Merlin said, still reading what was in front of him, trying to push Gaius’s attention from the whole plague thing. “He lead two armies to the Vatican’s door. He did a little more than whisper in Marty’s ear.”

“I wish his destiny was a little clearer,” Gaius grumbled.

Merlin looked up incredulously. “From where I stand it looks pretty easy on your part. I learned a few lifetimes ago to stop looking for the greater meaning and just live, because that is the important part.”

Gaius just stared at him.

“What?” Merlin asked.

“When did you get so smart?” Gaius asked.

Merlin shrugged. “I hate to tell you this old man, but I’ve lapped you a couple of times. I am really the older one.”

Gaius let out a laugh.

&

Six weeks passed and Merlin was exhausted. Everybody in the office was running on fumes, they were snippy and way too open. Arthur had taken to touching Merlin, his shoulder or his arm, squeezing.

Merlin was a little weirded out, because it was usually accompanied by Arthur momentarily closing his eyes for longer than a blink. Merlin let his Magic sink out, hoping that there was something that he could offer to get Arthur through this.

They were watching the hearings for Uther on TV in the office.

Merlin was exhausted.

There had always been a string between him and Arthur, something connecting them. He was pulled to Arthur, but there was something pulling the line taut, there was tension that he wasn’t used to. There was a fizzle.

They brought him a birthday cake, he was feeling overly emotional, and it was the first birthday cake that had been given to him.

He rarely used his magic for himself, outside of keeping himself under the radar and out of notice and occasionally integrated into society.

He didn’t use his magic for money or power, he had learned to do that on his own.

But he wished.

The rush of his magic was better than any kind of drug, any kind of adrenaline him, any kind of thing he had ever felt before. It felt so good, so natural.

Arthur looked up.

And knew.

&

 

PART THREE

Merlin, on his twenty-seventh birthday, as proclaimed by his driver’s license, was not celebrating his birth or his boss’s new Cabinet appointment. Either one of those were things that he thought that maybe he would enjoy.

Instead he was holed up in Arthur Pendragon’s little corner office, watching over an unconscious Arthur Pendragon.

He tried not to think. He tried not to prepare for the million ways that Arthur could react. He tried not to play the worst-case scenario. He tried not to hope for the best. He really tried to keep everything on an even keel.

He failed.

And he knew Arthur well enough to know how Arthur was going to react to this.

There was little chance that it was going go anyway but badly.

He had never been in this situation before. After 1500 years it was nice to find anything new.

Merlin just watched Arthur, who was a little too long for the couch, and enjoyed the last few minutes before…

“You fucking git,” Arthur said, eyes still closed, his voice crisp and upper class British, as it had been for so many life times. It was a little old fashioned sounding.

“People are going to think something is off if you start talking with that accent,” Merlin said tiredly, he turned his head away and rested his forehead against the wall. It was cool, he appreciated that.

“Well I could break into Old English and I’m sure that would really go over well,” Arthur said slowly sitting up, but returning to the American accent of his most recent life.

“You’re pretty perfect at life,” Merlin told him. “They’d just think it was another thing that you know.”

Arthur was silent for a long moment. Merlin tore his head from the wall and looked at Arthur.

“We’ve lived before,” Arthur stated.

“Yes,” Merlin replied.

“I die,” Arthur filled in.

“Over and over,” Merlin nodded.

“And you live,” Arthur said, breathing deep.

“In all the in-between times,” Merlin agreed.

“You’ve never died,” Arthur pushed.

“Oft ic sceolde āna ūhtna gehwylce mīne ceare cwīþan: nis nū cwicra nān, þe ic him mōdsefan mīnne durre sweotule āsecgan,” Merlin said.

Arthur closed his eyes. “Often I must bewail my sorrows alone every morning: none is now alive to whom I dare plainly speak my mind.”

Merlin shrugged.

“Well whose fault is that?” Arthur glared.

Merlin didn’t have much of a response. It wasn’t something that he could speak of to many people in the last fifteen hundred years.

“You could have told me,” Arthur said, blinking like he was still trying to place the twenty-two life times of memories into his head.

“Last time I did you ran into the city in Verona and caught the plague,” Merlin told him. “I found you in a convent with boils and puss, you were too far gone for me to fix you. That was not a fun way to watch you die.”

There was a beat of silence and when Merlin spoke again his voice broke a little. “None of them are fun ways to watch you die.”

Arthur closed his eyes and then he stood up.

“Well I don’t see any plague around. Haven’t for a while. Could have been time for a second chance,” Arthur said angrily.

“They don’t give me a guidebook on how to do destiny,” Merlin said tiredly. “They also told me that you aren’t supposed to know.”

“When did they tell you that? Who are the they?” Arthur asked.

“They told me in our first life,” Merlin replied. “Kilgarrah, the dragon who lived in the castle basement was the one who told me.”

Arthur just stared at Merlin as if he were the stupidest thing on the entire planet.

“Fifteen hundred years ago a dragon chained in my basement told you not to tell me? You never thought that maybe you should check in to see if maybe there was some revision?” Arthur pointed out.

He was calm, almost dangerously so.

“Verona,” Merlin countered.

Arthur looked at him angrily. “You still magic?”

“Yes,” Merlin said. “Why are you getting so angry? I didn’t do this to you on purpose.”

“I don’t know,” Arthur seethed.

Merlin waited for the ‘but’, however Arthur just seemed to stand there confused.

Arthur looked at him and finally spoke in frustration. “I thought you were my friend, but I’m just your assignment, something in between lives.”

Merlin’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? My other lives are dull and waiting for you.”

“Then you can come in and you can mold me into whatever you’re wanting,” Arthur continued, not seeming to be listening to Merlin any more.

There was a lot in that statement that Merlin could take a lot of offense to.

He chose not to, instead Merlin sat back as Arthur began to pace and run his finger through his hair.

Finally Arthur turned to look at him, hair askew. “Do you even like me?”

Merlin couldn’t speak, because that was like a punch to the gut.

“I can’t do this,” Arthur said.

And he ran out of the room.

Merlin leaned his head against the wall, and closed his eyes again. “Well, that went well.”

He stayed there a few minutes and then opened his eyes, looking at the empty door.

“It’s also good that there is no plague,” Merlin added, because he was an optimist.

&

 

Everyone had looked at Merlin when he left Arthur’s office. Merlin had not made eye contact and left the building. He really wished that he’d thought to pull on invisibility, but that was too inconsistent. He just walked out of the office and went to his home in Gaius’s basement.

He ignored the buzzing of his phone and stared at the ceiling. His thoughts were going through his head at seismic levels. He realized that he had absolutely nothing to do, this was the first time in years that he was at loose ends. He looked around his room. Usually he cleaned with a flick of the wrist, but he needed to do something.

He was dusting on top of his bureau when Morgana came in.

He ignored her. He was very sure that she had a whole bunch of questions that he couldn’t even begin to answer.

She didn’t even try to speak to him. She just sat on his bed, toed off her shoes, and pulled out a magazine.

Merlin ignored her, she ignored him.

Then he moved to the bathroom and began furiously scrubbing at his tub.

It was almost soothing, the sound of Morgana turning pages and the sound of the sponge on the tub.

But the inevitable happened; Morgana spoke.

“I always wondered why the hell a Welshman would fall in love with American politics,” Morgana called.

“I’m a mystery wrapped in a conundrum,” Merlin muttered as he surveyed the tub. He had missed quite a few spots. He had apparently blocked out quite a bit of how to be a proper servant. Merlin found that this was something he was proud of. He flicked his wrist and got rid of the rest of the ring around the tub.

Morgana popped into the bathroom and nearly gave Merlin a heart attack. Apparently he had also forgotten about how to keep his magic low key.

She didn’t seem to notice any kind of magical use. She seemed intent on beginning, what Merlin was thinking would be, a painful interrogation.

“I’m beginning to wonder if it wasn’t politics that you had fallen in love with,” Morgana said, her voice dripping with subtext.

Merlin closed his eyes. He was sure that everyone was speculating about what had happened. Of course Morgana would be the one to come here, Gwen would be the one to gently needle Arthur.

“Something blond and handsome catch your eye,” Morgana continued, eyes shining.

The woman didn’t know the meaning of the word subtle.

“You hold your brother in quite high esteem,” Merlin remarked, moving past her onto his bed.

He flung his hand over his face. He could feel her climb onto the bed. He lowered his arm.

Morgana just looked at him steadily, those eyes always seemed to know more than they should.

“You seemed to have immediately taken to our little group. Even with all of the prickly aspects of it all,” Morgana offered.

Merlin decided not to take the bait. He just tried to change the subject.

“Maybe I’ve been reincarnated and I knew you in a past life,” Merlin muttered. “Maybe I stuck with you sorry lot.”

Morgana sat up, laughing. “Have you ever thought of going into creative writing?”

Merlin wished that he could somehow make this go away. Instead he looked under the bed, hoping to find a bottle of Jack that he had stashed there.

Merlin was thinking that he could write the history of his life if this failed and Arthur banished him from his life. Merlin’s life could easily be creative fiction.

When he popped up Morgana was looking thoughtfully into the distance. He took a long swallow from his slightly dusty bottle and held it out to her.

“What do you think I was in a past life?” She pondered, ignoring the bottle.

Merlin looked over at her and spoke immediately. “Sorceress, Suffragette, Magistrate, Courtesan, always proper, but always defiant. One time a village wise woman burnt at the stake.”

He took another sip and then capped the bottle again.

If anything her grin just grew. “You really are good at this. Merlin the Medium. I like that. But let’s talk about me. I’m sure I have always been awesome.”

He cocked his head and grinned a little, lying was always so much easier when it was the truth. “Many life times, but always just on the edge of self destruction, and there may be daddy issues.”

“Getting a little overly analytical there, Mr. Medium,” Morgana said her eyebrow arching very high. “Kind of a dick move.”

“You do know I like you,” Merlin said with a grin. “I always have. Even though you’ve always scared the shit out of me.”

She glared at him.

Merlin was on a roll and continued. “I think that you were never better than when you were a Courtesan, you could wrap all them men around your little finger,”

Merlin said with a grin that couldn’t even begin to be taken seriously, even though he was more than serious.

She scowled at him and then started swatting at them.

Before she had time to respond, the door opened and Gaius walked in.

Morgana crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Gaius, Merlin was just regaling me with ideas of reincarnation.”

Gaius raised an eyebrow at Merlin. Merlin knew that eyebrow, it was ‘please don’t tell me you forgot the prime directive again.’

“He said I was a whore with daddy issues,” Morgana sighed.

Gaius rolled his eyes.

“There, there,” Gaius said absentmindedly to Morgana, still glaring at Merlin. “I’m sure you were the best at whatever you did.”

Merlin shrugged. “I never tried it out, but everybody seemed to enjoy you.”

They both continued to stare searchingly at him. Morgana with scorn, Gaius with exasperation.

He stood up with a flourish. “I’m tired. If you guys don’t mind clearing out I’d like to go to bed.”

Gaius blinked. “Oh, you’re not.”

Merlin tripped over his own flourish. He ended up on his back, looking up at the frown on Gaius’s face and the amused look on Morgana’s.

“Teaches you right for calling me a whore,” Morgana told him.

“I said you were a good one,” Merlin sighed and looked at Gaius. “Why can’t I go to bed? There can’t be anything to do already, shouldn’t everyone be partying?”

“Arthur didn’t tell you?” Gaius said, looking perplexed.

Both Merlin and Morgana sat up straight and looked at him.

“I haven’t looked at my phone since I got home,” Merlin admitted.

Gaius shrugged. “Arthur put in a travel request for you. It was just approved. You’re supposed to fly out in four hours.”

Morgana looked at him for answers.

Merlin closed his eyes, trying to find patience. He had spent twenty years in a Buddhist monastery. He had learned how to find meditative calm. His traitorous heart sped up anyway.

“Where are you going with Arthur?” Morgana demanded.

Merlin shrugged. “Do I ever know?”

Morgana turned her full force on Gaius. “Do you know where he’s going?”

Gaius shrugged. “I have no idea. I think that it isn’t work related. Arthur stormed out of Uther’s office. Uther wasn’t happy, but he isn’t going to say anything to me about personal matters.”

Merlin already had his head in his closet, looking for a suitcase.

Apparently they would be riding out on another random hunt, still better than random room searches.

The whims of Arthur fucking Pendragon.

Morgana pulled at him. “Do you know where you’re going?”

Her eyes were full of concern.

Merlin shrugged. “I have no idea. He’s probably dragging me across the globe so no one hears my screams or finds the body.”

Morgana looked at him

“You don’t have to go you know,” he voice was soft and earnest. You’re just going to go and follow him into parts unknown.”

Merlin’s mouth curved into a small smile. He didn’t speak, just gave a shrug.

Morgana let out a low whistle.

“Let me help you pack,” Morgana said. “You’re really hopeless at that kind of thing.”

Gaius sighed. “Do try to find your passport, it would really be a shame if you don’t have it.”

&&

Merlin magicked up a passport, this time American. Arthur was in the car outside, didn’t bother calling. Merlin knew he was there. When he got into the car, he didn’t ask the journey’s destination. Neither one of them said a word as their town car sped to the airport.

To Merlin, it didn’t matter where they were going or why. It would make sense at some point. There was a destination and a reason, he just didn’t need to know it right now.

To him there was something more important.

Arthur wasn’t running away from him.

Merlin didn’t ask, but he had ideas, if he had to bet he would have put money on going back to England. They walked towards the international terminal and the only place that Merlin could think that they were going would be home to where it all started.

He stood in line, biding his time, as Arthur studiously ignored him.

He was a little surprised when Arthur handed him a ticket to Greece. Merlin just stared at it, expecting it to be a mistake.

When he looked up Arthur was looking at him expectantly.

Merlin shrugged and adjusted his bag. “I didn’t bring a bathing suit.”

Arthur just rolled his eyes and walked towards security.

&&

Merlin sat next to Arthur staring straight ahead. He wanted to speak, had a million things to say, but he couldn’t push any of that beyond his lips.

The airline called first class passengers. Arthur stood up; Merlin looked down at his ticket, which was not anywhere close to first class. It actually looked like it was near the bathroom.

Merlin opened his mouth.

Arthur just looked at him and raised him an eyebrow.

“Really?” Merlin asked, breaking the silence. “You get first class and I get servant class?”

For the first time since Arthur had remembered there was a tick of a smile on his face.

“Seemed fitting,” Arthur said, waving as he went towards the entryway.

&

Merlin tried to get comfortable, but the economy seat didn’t seem to be built for that function. He was too tall. Arthur was comfortable in the lush room of business class. Merlin would laugh at it if he weren’t so uncomfortable.

Merlin was trying to sleep on the red eye, but Arthur hadn’t even thought to give him a window seat so he could curl up against the wall. The man next to him was giving Merlin the stink eye because he kept twitching when Merlin felt someone nudge at his feet. His feet were at least a little comfortable because of the aisle although people kept tripping over them.

Merlin attempted to move his feet, but the not so gentle nudging continued. Merlin opened his eyes. There stood Arthur looking tired and weary. He didn’t seem to be wearing all his new years very well.

“Would you like to sleep in business class?” Arthur whispered, leaning over him.

Merlin perked up, but then he noticed that Arthur was speaking to the man in the seat next to him. The man nearly crushed Merlin’s feet in his haste to escape.

Arthur gave Merlin a pointed look after the man had torn his way to a better class. Merlin crushed himself into the seat so that Arthur could take the window spot.

Merlin just watched him as Arthur leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, like this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, as if Arthur voluntarily moving back to coach was something that anybody would do.

“Stop thinking so loudly,” Arthur said, eyes still closed.

“You remember about equality and all that?” Merlin asked.

Arthur turned closer into the wall. “I remembered that if anything happens to this plane I want to be next to the guy with the powers.”

“Might want to rethink that,” Merlin said, putting up the armrest between the seats and sprawling a little. “I stand by your side and I watch you die. It’s much more likely that being here will cause your death.”

“Whatever, I’d probably just get thrown back here if anything did happen,” Arthur yawned, eyes closed. “Just like crashing through your little thatched roof.”

“I wish you all would let that go,” Merlin said closing his eyes. “Once in fifteen hundred years you try something new and nobody lets you hear the end of it.”

“Why would you go to the most terrorized area of the world?” Arthur asked, yawning. “You moved towards some place that was literally crawling with Nazis.”

Merlin stayed silent. Arthur opened one eye and looked at him with that expectant look that meant that Merlin was not going to get out of answering that question.

“I was in the Resistance,” Merlin muttered.

Arthur turned back to the wall, the ghost of a smile on his face.

“Protecting paintings and fleeing refugees?” Arthur asked.

“Something like that,” Merlin said.

“And what was up with the goats,” Arthur said, looking all the world looking like he was asleep.

Merlin scrunched in his seat and tried to get comfortable. It was easier somehow with Arthur there.

“Company?” Merlin said, closing his own eyes.

“That’s sad,” Arthur muttered.

“Meat and milk,” Merlin tried again.

“Barbarian,” Arthur slurred.

Merlin shifted a little, brushing against Arthur, feeling the exhaustion taking him. He was so very tired.

“A lifetime without you wasn’t the same,” Arthur said sleepily.

Merlin opened his eyes to look at Arthur. His breath was even and sleeping.

“I’ve had hundreds lifetimes without you,” he said softly, not knowing if Arthur even heard him. “Same doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

&&

Merlin woke up drooling on Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur was looking out the window.

He sat up quickly. Arthur didn’t move from looking out at the ocean. Merlin made a big show of stretching, pretending that he hadn’t just been sprawling over Arthur.

Arthur didn’t look at him, just handed him the immigration paperwork.

“Fill this out,” Arthur said, standing, looking expectantly at Merlin.

Merlin looked down at it. The address was already filled out, but it didn’t mean much to him. He had never heard of the place. He didn’t move to let Arthur pass.

“Business or pleasure?” Merlin asked.

“It isn’t business,” Arthur replied, nudging Merlin.

Merlin didn’t budge. “How long are we staying?”

Arthur’s nudges became more insistent and Merlin let him move. He stepped into the isle and didn’t turn around.

“We’re there for a week,” Arthur said, not bothering to look back.

&&

Merlin was quiet as they went through immigration and they exited the airport.

“There probably were better places to vacation than Greece,” Merlin finally offered. “Pretty sure this place is on the verge of economic collapse and revolution.”

Arthur shrugged. “It was the only place I could find on an hour’s notice,” Arthur told him.

“Are you telling me this is a less than well thought out plan?” Merlin asked.

“Did the fact that it was ridiculously spur of the moment and I had to plan it myself give it away?” Arthur asked.

“I’d put money on it that Gwen helped,” Merlin said cheekily.

“Well, mostly myself,” Arthur amended.

They went to the rental agency and got a car. Merlin eyed Arthur skeptically, hoping that he didn’t drive like Morgana. Although it didn’t matter much, nobody wanted Merlin driving.

“Where are we going?” Merlin finally asked.

“You know you waited until we were almost there,” Arthur told him. “I’m a bit surprised that you didn’t pester me to tell you all the way here.”

“I knew where in the world when I got the ticket,” Merlin said.

“Still…” Arthur replied.

Merlin cocked his head. “I trust you.”

Arthur nodded.

“Then let’s wait half an hour more,” Arthur replied. “It can be a surprise.”

“I’m fine with that,” Merlin said.

&

The vacation that Arthur had ‘thrown together’ was a huge house in Kyparissia. It was right on the water.

Merlin just shrugged. “Not shabby for short notice.”

“It belongs to the family of a guy that I went to high school with,” Arthur explained. “His parents were Greek nationals. They’re on the Olympic Committee and this is their place.”

Merlin smiled. “Can I ask now?”

Arthur motioned for him to go ahead.

“Why Greece?” Merlin asked. “Why take me all the way around the world?”

“Because we’ve never been here,” Arthur said offhandedly.

Merlin made a face.

“You may have been here without me,” Arthur told him. “But in twenty-two lives, we’ve never been here. I just wanted to get us out of somewhere else. I just need to clear my head. I have no memories here.”

Merlin looked out at the white beach and blue water and then turned to Arthur. “I’m sure this is better than Siberia or Canada.”

Then he turned towards Arthur and asked the other question that he had waiting on the tip of his tongue.

“So where do we start?”

Arthur looked at him in the eyes steadily and then very obviously looked him from head to toe.

Merlin breathed in sharply.

“Well, first step is getting you a bathing suit,” Arthur told him.

&

Arthur found a bathing suit in the house. It seemed they had plenty for guests. The bathing suit was ridiculously small and red.

“Well,” Arthur said. His stiff face hid laughter and mockery. “At least it isn’t a speedo or a thong.”

Merlin shot him an angry look.

Arthur considered Merlin’s white lanky frame. “Really, you need this. I think you’re translucent.”

With that, Arthur threw a at towel at him. Merlin followed him out to the long stretch of beach. He stretched his arm out.

“This is perfect,” Arthur sighed, then he turned around and looked at Merlin.

“We never spent much time at the beach,” he said.

Merlin grinned a little.

“We spent a lot of time in hot places,” he pointed out.

“Places with lots of malaria,” Arthur said making a face. Then he thought about it for a minute. “Did you make sure I never got that?”

Merlin gave him a self-satisfied look. “I learned a spell to make mosquitoes hate you.”

Arthur’s brow furrowed. “Thanks, I think.”

“We did have that awesome watering hole in India,” Merlin pushed. “The one where the monkey imprinted on you and wouldn’t stop following you.”

Arthur’s face took on his ‘I’m not talking about this’ face. For once, Merlin heeded this request.

Instead of a reply on that subject, Merlin just looked around. “Do you have sunblock SPF 75?”

Arthur turned towards a cabinet and rummaged through before lobbing a bottle at Merlin’s head.

Then he walked towards the back door to the beach.

“Coming?” Arthur yelled.

Merlin walked outside and was nearly blinded by the sunshine. He could feel his skin already begin to burn. He stepped back into the shadows and hurriedly put the suntan lotion on his skin as heavily as possible before stepping out again.

Arthur was already on the beach, lying on one of two chairs laid out there. Merlin hadn’t actually seen them yet, but Arthur had told them there was a staff at the house. One chair was full in the sun, the other was laid out under the shade of an umbrella.

Arthur had a random eye for detail. Merlin walked down the beach in his little red boxer brief shorts and lay down on the chaise in the shade.

It was baking hot and Arthur was sweating and probably burning, but he looked content.

“Did you do this?” Arthur asked, eyes still closed.

“Yes,” Merlin replied, understanding instantly what Arthur was getting at. Arthur remembering was something that lay between them, not likely to be dismissed easily.

Arthur nodded. “You’ve never done it before.”

“I didn’t know I could,” Merlin admitted.

Arthur tilted his head and shaded his eyes.

“Seriously?” he asked.

Merlin shook his head.

“Would you have if you had known?” Arthur asked.

“I don’t know,” Merlin admitted. “Would you have wanted me to?”

Arthur looked at him for another long moment and then lay back in the sun.

The discussion seemed to be over.

Merlin laid back. It seemed like there was nothing in the world except for them.

They lay there for an hour. Merlin had started twitching twenty minutes in. Arthur finally let out a sigh.

“You don’t strike me as a lay in the sun kind of guy,” Merlin finally said.

“I haven’t been since I was eighteen, thought I would try to enjoy it,” Arthur informed him.

“How is it working out for you?” Merlin asked.

Arthur sat up with a sigh. “I’m so fucking bored.”

Merlin smiled. “I saw some stand up paddle boards in the house.”

“Oh thank god,” Arthur said. “This lounging thing is horrible.”

&

They were fairly far out and the water was calm. Land seemed far enough away and there was nobody in sight.

“You’re going to be red tomorrow,” Arthur remarked.

“This is a great place to be burnt, though,” Merlin said. “I’ve seen a lot worse.”

Arthur turned his paddleboard and looked at Merlin.

Merlin tried to stop, but ending up gently slamming into Arthur. He tried to balance and managed to stay up.

“Show me,” Arthur said.

Merlin looked at Arthur incredulously. “What?”

“Show me your magic,” Arthur demanded.

Merlin looked around. “Now?”

“Yes, now,” Arthur said expectantly. “I’ve never seen it, you’ve only told me when I was dying. I want to see something.”

Merlin looked at him and then cocked his head, then he put one finger up and rotated his finger.

“þwir,” he commanded.

Arthur started moving clockwise, looking down at the water. His board spun around.

Arthur was the paradigm of athleticism and grace, but on his board, slowly moving in a circle and moving away from Merlin, he looked like a circus clown on a ball. Merlin spun him faster and faster. He was laughing so hard he fell off his board.

“Merlin!” Arthur bellowed.

Merlin stopped him, the sudden jerk of the board made Arthur fall. He came up spluttering and swam for his board. He caught it and then rested his arms on the board, glaring at Merlin. There wasn’t any heat in it.

“I assume that you have more productive things that you do with your little powers,” Arthur said.

“What do you want me to do?” Merlin said. “There aren’t many options out here.”

Arthur pushed his wet hair away from his face.

“You’ve so brought it on,” Arthur promised.

Merlin laughed. “Shut it, after fifteen hundred years we’re on vacation. This is what people call fun.”

Arthur glared at him.

Merlin just laughed.

&

Merlin yawned. He felt like he had been sleeping forever. He cracked his eyes and the sun looked like it was just coming out over the horizon.

Lazily Merlin got out of bed and padded to the kitchen. He attempted to figure out if they had coffee, the magical staff didn’t seem to be morning people. There was a deluxe espresso maker in the corner; Merlin eyed it skeptically.

“Just magic it up,” Arthur said.

Merlin looked over. “I don’t create something from nothing. I can’t just make it appear. I can make it taste better.”

Arthur nodded and seemed to be taking mental notes.

“I don’t use it all the time, Arthur,” Merlin told him. “In the last couple of centuries it is less and less important to use it for much other than to put me into systems. Mostly I just use it for integration.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Good to know. You’re really red, you can’t fix that.”

Merlin made a face. “I already have. I’ve never been too good at healing.”

Arthur snorted. “It’s two hours to Athens, we can go to the Parthenon. Stay out of the sun today.”

“Okay,” Merlin said.

&

“They used to worship gods here,” Merlin said with wide eyes.

Arthur just watched him.

“This place is older than we are,” Merlin said in hushed tones. It seemed to be more in reverence than not wanting anyone else to hear.

Merlin’s eyes were taking in the high columns and the wide space.

“It’s been a long time since you’ve been in a place like this,” Arthur stated.

“There really aren’t many places like this,” Merlin said, finally seeing Arthur staring at him. Merlin just grinned. “Trust me, I’ve been all around the world.”

Arthur began to wander around. “I wonder if there is a seer our there who has been protecting a warrior for the last two thousand years.”

When Arthur looked at Merlin he just shrugged his shoulders. “Well, we don’t have a club, if there are any others.”

They were walking past the altar. People still came and placed rocks and flowers there. Arthur stopped and looked up at it. People milled around it, but Arthur and Merlin just stood and looked at it.

“Can you imagine what it’s like to have people remember you for thousands of years?” they heard a girl say. “To still have them come and worship you? I totally want that.”

Merlin’s felt his eyes well up. He couldn’t look at Arthur. He just couldn’t. Arthur was the one who reached out, was the one who tugged at Merlin to look at him.

Merlin did, they both blinked a little too much. Arthur’s hand dug into Merlin’s arm. They just stood there looking at each other until a tourist kid ran and bumped into them.

Arthur shook his head, as if to clear it, and Merlin tried to wipe his eyes discreetly.

“Let’s stay here tonight,” Arthur said, blinking a little. “Let’s get a hotel and have a nice dinner in Athens.”

Merlin nodded. He couldn’t seem to speak through the lump in his throat.

They left the Parthenon and made their way to the city proper.

 

&

They had gotten one room with a huge king sized bed. It had been the only thing left, and they really didn’t have any issues with it, but Merlin assumed part of this trip included talking about things that they had been avoiding talking about.

Merlin went to the balcony and looked out. It was new to them, it wasn’t a place that they had ever been. This place had more history in this world than they did. This was a perfect place for them to be, of course Arthur could find the perfect place.

For the first time, Arthur remembered his twenty-one other lives. That was more frightening to him than anything he had ever known.

And he had known dragons.

“I think my favorite was India,” Arthur said, drying his hair from the shower. He was talking as if suddenly Merlin’s silence was something he had to fill. “Most of the time India was just exploring and the food was great. I loved that monkey, the one we found by the swimming hole. There weren’t rules, not like living in society.”

Merlin’s heart nearly stopped. That was a loaded memory and he didn’t know that this was going to go there, if that was even an option, if Arthur would even figure it out.

“And we were there when snooker was invented,” Arthur said with a huge smile. “I mean, we helped to pioneer snooker.”

Merlin felt the floor metaphorically fall away from him. He was sure that everything was written all over his face. He was also sure that the red and burning on his face had very little to do with the sun that he had taken in yesterday.

Arthur stopped talking and walking towards his pants. He suddenly turned on Merlin.

Merlin was perfectly aware of the exact moment that Arthur was remembering. It was almost the moment that he had gone for it. They had been eighteen and had grown up side by side for seven years in the British colonial India. There had been elephants, humidity, and a more relaxed atmosphere than ever before.

Merlin had just come off of a few decades of figuring out the intricacies of male relations, of knowing just how good it could be. He hadn’t been able to run from his feelings with Arthur that time. He’d been stewing in them. It had been painful, they had gotten drunk, and Merlin had almost…

…he didn’t.

But he had run, the next lifetime. He couldn’t bear the thought of having to be that close, to not have and to have that much want. He hated to even be in a situation where he would have to decide the moral issues of trying to make a move on a man who couldn’t even begin to comprehend the scope of his feelings.

It was one thing to be the unsung hero, the one who worked tirelessly for Arthur. It was quite another thing to be madly in love with a man who kept dying over and over.

Merlin looked over the city, he hoped that it would go away.

“So, Merlin, the boy you loved, oh so long ago,” Arthur said, looking over the city. “The one you thought that you loved, but never considered such thing a possibility, what would you say to him if he were here?”

Merlin’s head snapped to Arthur so quickly the air around him seemed to shimmer.

Merlin couldn’t figure out what to say to all of this, besides Arthur wasn’t meant to remember that, he wasn’t meant to remember anything that he did.

Arthur stood in the middle of the room, wearing nothing but a towel.

Arthur just looked at him calmly. “Athens is at your feet. Feel free to run. There is no plague. There are some ruffians, but I think you’ve proven that you really can’t die.”

Merlin looked at him, at a bit of a loss.

The words were bubbling up. He couldn’t stop them any more. He had to speak.

He turned back to Arthur. Those bold eyes looked at him. There was uncertainty in Arthur’s eyes and to Merlin that was even more disturbing than when Arthur had been scared out of his mind.

Arthur was always sure.

Except for now. Except in front of Merlin.

“Friendship was more than I ever expected, to have him laugh was beyond hope,” Merlin said in a faraway voice. “That was enough, that was more than enough.”

Arthur looked down, for that Merlin was glad.

“I watched him fall in love,” Merlin continued softly. “I raised his children, took care of his wives after he was gone. While he lived my place was by his side, to protect, to help. It was duty, but he was fair and just, he was human and king. I admired every part of him, even the prattish part. Sometimes I think I liked that part most of all, it made the other parts more bearable. He lived and he died and lived again. I lived decades between seeing his face.”

Merlin paused. He waited until Arthur looked up.

“I always cared very deeply for him,” Merlin said into Arthur’s eyes. “But I didn’t know the other side of it until I learned all the things I’d only heard rumors of. For the first time in my life I felt want, need, and it was for the face that I had stood next to over and over for so many life times. I learned what I wanted and what I was destined never to have.”

Arthur’s face went through jealousy, curiosity, and a burning passion. Merlin watched it all flicker, never before having seen those expressions on Arthur’s face directed at him.

“The last two hundred years have been harder than anything, knowing and unable to do anything,” Merlin told him, his eyes blank.

The truth sped through his lips faster than emotion. He felt nothing and told everything.

Arthur’s face settled and his eyes became a little watery.

“You asked what I would say to the boy I thought I loved?” Merlin continued. “Well, I wouldn’t say any of that, what I would say is that he is the truest person I know. My many, many years on this earth have been for him, I have been for him. Some could call it love, but I’m quite sure that modern therapists would say that this is unhealthy.”

Arthur bit his lip, Merlin watched his perfectly imperfect teeth bite into the flesh. It was mesmerizing. Finally Merlin dragged his eyes up to Arthur’s eyes.

“Fuck therapists,” Arthur said hoarsely.

Arthur crashed against him, tongue and body pressing flat. Merlin ran a hand over the back of his neck, gentle. Arthur relented a little, but the kiss, their first kiss, was needy and desperate on Arthur’s part, clinging and wanting, as if just the touch had to be enough in case there would be nothing else.

Merlin didn’t let go, matched the need that had also been in him for far too long. He kissed back, slid into Arthur’s mouth, around his body. He couldn’t contain the magic any longer, he was overwhelmed.

Arthur’s hands came up around him, under his shirt, against his skin. Merlin groaned and burrowed into Arthur. Gasping into him, having forgotten to breathe under the weight of all the need.

Merlin pulled back. Arthur’s eyes were wide with shock.

“Like I was going to say no?” Merlin mumbled, still refusing to let go.

“No more lies,” Arthur said. “No more half-truths.”

Merlin nodded, mind still half numb.

“Is this a thing you do?” Arthur said, his hands still over Merlin’s flushed skin. “Is this just part of the whole fate thing.”

Merlin was distracted by his Arthur’s lips, it took a second for Arthur’s word to penetrate. He jumped back, away from Arthur, who looked like he was slapped.

“No,” Merlin said vehemently. “Did you just hear what I said? Don’t you believe me?”

Arthur looked at him, naked and still a little wet, wearing only a towel. Thoughts passed over his face.

Then he stepped forward.

“I believe you,” Arthur said, his voice taking on a little rasp.

Merlin bit his lip before saying. “I believe in you.”

Arthur kissed him again. This time it was like first kisses should be, heady and hungry, searching. Their lips played against each other. It was as if all the want pulled together and centralized at their mouths. It took a tiny push and Merlin found himself on his back on the bed with Arthur on him. The towel that had been around Arthur’s waist was suddenly gone.

Merlin had a naked Arthur on him; a needy Arthur was pushing at his shirt; a naked Arthur was moving against him; a naked Arthur was hard against his jean-covered thigh. That was more than enough, they weren't touchy people, but Arthur reached out his hands on Arthur’s well muscled back. Arthur hissed as his long fingers played over Arthur’s skin, and he arched forward, pressing more of his body against Merlin

Merlin’s blunt fingers dug into Arthur’s back and he let out a moan. Arthur pulled back, all doubt was banished from his face. He looked pleased with himself.

“You’re naked,” Merlin said, hands going to Arthur’s face, into his wet hair.

“You’re observant as always,” Arthur said.

Merlin grinned up at him.

Arthur leaned over and nipped at Merlin’s earlobe.

“Ridiculous ears,” Arthur said, his nose and his tongue tracing his breath around the ear.

Merlin felt his body break out in goose bumps. Arthur moved to the side and played down Arthur’s neck, one hand finishing the buttons on Merlin’s shirt and exposing his partially burned torso. Then Arthur’s hand moved lower to Merlin’s pants button.

“You’re not naked,” Arthur pointed out, voice slightly hoarse.

Merlin dragged his fingers down Arthur’s sides, feeling where his hipbones met Arthur’s.

Arthur moved to Merlin’s collarbones. His mouth moved lower and found one of Merlin’s nipples. He bit down and grinned at the noises that came from the back of Merlin’s throat.

Merlin’s tight pants came off easily with Arthur’s tug. There may or may not have been magic involved as Arthur mouthed over Merlin’s hips. Merlin looked down as Arthur snaked out a tongue and traced from the crease in his inner thigh outwards, Arthur made eye contact with him. With the grace of a cat he trailed his tongue to the base of Merlin’s cock and flattened his tongue. It lay on his stomach, red and jumping towards Arthur’s hot mouth.

Arthur inhaled and then trailed his flat tongue up the sensitive length. He flicked into the groove underneath the head, swirled around the underside. He exhaled against the skin, before inhaling again and taking Merlin into his mouth, swallowing him down to the base, whirling his tongue around as he swallowed all of Merlin in.

Merlin was whimpering, trying not to thrust, trying to hold himself still.

Arthur moved his mouth off of Merlin’s dick and replaced his hand before moving downwards.

“I haven’t done this much,” Arthur said, as his hand’s came up and cupped Merlin’s sac. He lightly began to play with them. “Let me know if there is anything….”

He trailed off as Merlin let out a whimper and tried to stifle the little noises he was making with a fist to his mouth. He closed his eyes for a second, Merlin was completely still before opening his eyes and reaching out to cup Arthur’s head.

“Your mouth,” Merlin said. “Please, more of your mouth.”

Arthur looked up and with a smile he returned his mouth to Merlin’s cock. Merlin’s hand threaded through his hair. He arched into Arthur’s mouth, not caring to hold back his hips’ urge to thrust.

He could feel Arthur’s slick mouth and hand around him. He could feel Arthur leaking along his leg. Part of him could feel the strings that tied them together, wrapping around them, applying the sweetest and most torturous of pressure.

Arthur’s free hand moved to his own cock, looking for relief. Arthur started to work himself and the moans at the back of his throat were Merlin’s undoing.

“I’m going…” Merlin said, tugging at Arthur’s head. Arthur didn’t stop moving; in fact he sucked harder, moving up and down with a hand on his own dick.

Merlin was undone, he was coming down Arthur’s throat. Merlin gasped in air.

It was a few seconds before he came back to his body. He looked down and Arthur was watching him, shadow darkened eyes unwavering. One of Arthur’s hands was slowly still stroking between his legs.

Merlin reached for him clumsily. Arthur shook his head.

“I’m fine,” Arthur said, moving away from his grasp.

“Let me watch you,” Merlin asked, hooking his hand around Arthur’s leg.

Arthur’s breaths came in sharp pants as he sat up on his knees. He moved so his legs were outside of Merlin’s, his hand still stroking his heavy cock. Merlin watched as he sat up proud and naked, sun bronzed and every inch of him perfect.

“You sounded so damned sexy,” Arthur said, Merlin crept up his leg. “You taste so good.”

Arthur’s eyes were closed as he began to move his hand faster, his breath rasping in his chest.

Merlin watched eyes wide, brain still half gone from Arthur’s mouth on him and from the words spilling out of Arthur’s mouth now.

Arthur’s body was taut and he looked regal, even getting himself off while Merlin watched.

“So perfect, I knew you’d be perfect,” Merlin whispered, hand clutched to Arthur’s leg.

Arthur let out a whimper and was coming with three long spurts. He made a few more pathetic noises before collapsing by Merlin’s side. He caught his breath in less than a second and then peeked an eye at Merlin’s stomach, covered in his own come.

Arthur snorted and then buried his face in Merlin’s neck.

“So apparently that happened,” Arthur said with a laugh. “I had thoughts that maybe it would be happen differently.”

Merlin groaned. “Were you going to try to woo me?”

Arthur buried himself deeper in Merlin’s neck. Merlin took that at as an affirmative.

“I’ve seen you woo,” Merlin said with a snort. “I’ve helped you woo. Please don’t try to put me through that. Please, whatever you do, don’t even try to do that to me.”

Arthur laughed and pulled away a little and looked at Merlin.

“I haven’t ever done much more than that,” he said defiantly, his head indicating to what they had just done.

Merlin shrugged. “If that is all you ever do again, I’ll be more than fine.”

Arthur grinned at him. “Or we can work up to more.”

“Or we can work up to it,” Merlin agreed.

Arthur shook his head. “This is not how I saw this going.”

“Oh, there are absolutely no complaints,” Merlin said, leaning in for a kiss. “That was amazing.”

Arthur pecked at his lips. “So this is us now?”

Merlin looked down at his stomach. “Yes, but only if you get me a towel. If this dries it’s going to be gross.”

Arthur laughed again and got up to go to the bathroom.

&&

 

They returned to Kyparissia mid-afternoon, taking full advantage of sleeping in.

When they got to the house on the private beach, Merlin just looked at Arthur.

“This is going to be a naked vacation, isn’t it?” Merlin asked, with mock resignation.

Arthur lifted his most princely eyebrow.

“Why would you think any differently?” Arthur asked.

With a great show of effort, Merlin shucked off his shirt. “If I have to.”

Arthur laughed and Merlin scurried away from him, towards the bedroom.

They didn’t make it to the beach that day.

&&

The sun was setting and they were buried in white pillows and sheets. Arthur was golden against the sheets and Merlin had gained some color.

Arthur lay on his back looking up at the ceiling. Merlin lay looking at him.

“How do I keep Morgana from going evil?” Arthur finally asked.

“Your pillow talk sucks,” Merlin yawned.

Arthur turned over. “She’s my sister. She’s always my sister. She always leaves in tears or anger.”

Merlin sighed and got up to where his bag was still mostly still packed. He fished out his cellphone.

“That doesn’t work here,” Arthur told him.

Merlin gave him a bit of a withering look. He held out the phone in one hand and waved his other hand over it.

“Abracadabra, shazaam,” Merlin said tonelessly, before throwing it to Arthur. “It’s now international, without pesky paying for it. Call your sister.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “You are delightful to have around. I bet I can get out of parking tickets.”

“I’m not a cop,” Merlin said, crawling back in be and curling up with Arthur. “I can help with awesome fake IDs though.”

“Good to know,” Arthur said. “So I just call Morgana and she won’t go evil.”

Merlin shrugged and buried himself in the pillows. “I just figure if we love her, then one day soon kick her out of the nest so she can make it on her own without thinking she is on her own, it will turn out fine.”

Arthur gave him that incredulous look.

Merlin popped his head up. “What? I’ve given this lots of thought.”

“I thought you were _my_ sorcerer,” Arthur grumbled.

“Well, I didn’t jump into bed with her,” Merlin replied and then got a sly look on his face. “But there is one time she jumped into mine.” Merlin thought about that. “Or maybe she jumped into yours and I was in it.”

Arthur closed his eyes and shook his head. “Please stop.”

“Call your sister,” Merlin prodded and then went back to the pillow’s depths.

Arthur looked at him for a moment and then kissed Merlin’s forehead. He pulled back and Merlin opened one eye.

“That was kind of weird,” Merlin informed him.

Arthur sighed. “Get used to it.”

Merlin grinned and closed his eyes again.

Arthur made the call and waited a second before Morgana picked up, Arthur put it on speakerphone.

“It’s four in the morning,” Morgana’s groggy voice said. “Please tell me you didn’t kill Merlin.”

“I’m here,” Merlin said, voice muffled from the pillows.

There was a pause.

“So if suddenly I showed up right now, how awkward would it be?” Morgana said, fully awake now.

“Depends on your threshold for kink,” Arthur said dryly.

“I see,” Morgana said, and even half a world away it was easy to hear that she was smiling. “Where are you?”

“Greece,” Arthur answered.

“Is it nice there?” Morgana said, with her calculating voice.

“Don’t fall for it,” Merlin hissed, poking Arthur. Arthur just swatted at him.

“It’s beautiful,” Arthur replied.

“Are you with Merlin?” she asked.

“Apparently,” Arthur said to her.

“Are you **with** with Merlin?” she asked. Arthur knew quite what she was talking about, but looked to be enjoying himself.

Arthur grinned. “Yeah, he’s right here.”

Morgana made a dismissive noise. “Are you fucking him?”

“Not currently,” Arthur said, baiting her.

“You really are infuriating, brother,” Morgana informed him.

Arthur reached out a hand and traced Merlin’s back. Merlin looked up at him. Arthur cocked his head. Merlin mouthed ‘tell her.’

“Yes, Morgana, yes to all your questions.”

“I’m happy for you,” Morgana said with warmth in her voice and then the mockery returned. “I feel badly for you Merlin, you really have horrible taste in men.”

“Thanks, Morgana,” Merlin said dryly.

She let out a laugh. “Welcome to the dysfunction of Pendragons. Please stay, even if my brother does something to fuck it up.”

“How do you know I’m not going to be the one to fuck it up?” Merlin asked. “I’m quite a cad.”

Morgana’s laughter tinkled through the room. “Yes, I’m sure that you are ever the scoundrel.”

“Will you keep me anyway?” Merlin asked. “Even if I destroy Arthur’s poor heart?’

Morgana’s answer was laughter.

“I was wondering if you knew how I should tell dad,” Arthur interrupted.

Merlin snorted.

“Um, little brother?” Morgana said slowly. “You went on a personal vacation at a moment’s notice, which is pretty weird right there, but you also took your very male assistant on your personal time. Dad isn’t that dense.”

Arthur let out a breath. “Is he pissed?”

“You took off,” Morgana emphasized. “Of course he is pissed, but what you did was probably the best way that you could have come out. You left, he figured it out probably before you left, and when you come back, just be what you are. He’ll probably just pretend like it is not happening. I’ll warn you though, he’ll probably still be pissed underneath it.”

“Worse than that time I wrecked the Porsche?” Arthur sighed, knowing full well the answer to that one.

Morgana snorted. “Please, this is going to be worse than the time you killed his baby.”

“Do you think that he even likes me?” Merlin wondered aloud.

There was silence.

“I’m not even sure he likes us, some of the time,” Morgana finally said.

“So there is that,” Arthur added.

Morgana yawned. “Okay, you confirmed the secret we all knew. I think I’m going to try to get some more sleep. I’ll make some inroads with dear old dad.”

“Morg,” Arthur said quietly. “You’re my sister; you always will be very important to me. I want you always to be around.”

“But,” Morgana said in a small voice.

“Do me a favor,” Arthur said gently. “Think about not going with him to the White House, think about doing your own thing. You’re wasted in his shadow.”

She was quiet for a moment. When she spoke her voice wavered a little.

“And you, brother?” she asked.

“I’m not there yet,” Arthur answered.

She was quiet again, longer this time. When she spoke it was obvious that she was crying.

“We’re going to be great, Arthur,” she told him.

Arthur closed his eyes. It wasn’t an answer, but it was enough.

“We already are,” Arthur replied with absolute certainty.

“You sound different,” Morgana told him. “Even your voice sounds different. Merlin is good for you.”

Arthur looked at Merlin.

“I love you too, baby brother,” Morgana said.

Then the call ended.

Arthur’s eyes were red around the edges. He put down the phone and got out of bed.

“You don’t have to change the world in a day,” Merlin said to Arthur’s pensive back.

Arthur just shrugged.

Merlin opened his mouth to start talking, but Arthur spoke again.

“I have all these people in my head,” he said, looking out the window. “I have all these great men, who I was, and I feel just like a child. I feel like I can never live up to any of them.”

Merlin sat up in the bed. “They’re all you, you know.”

Arthur turned to him. “I remember so much. I was raised to be far too competitive, I want to be better than them, even if they are me.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “You know that doesn’t make sense.

Arthur let out a growl. “I remember my last life, I had a son, back in England.”

Merlin looked down. “I know.”

“I don’t even know if he lived,” Arthur said, putting his hands out to his sides.

Merlin played with the sheets, wondering what he should tell Arthur, but he had promised honesty. “He did; your wife too. They moved to Australia and he builds boats. He has a few children and grandchildren.”

Arthur came and sat down on the bed, just looking at him.

“I wasn’t there for you,” Merlin said, trying so hard to keep emotion out of this. “But I made sure that they were okay. I watched over them.”

Arthur just looked at him, eyes seeming to want the whole history of Merlin’s life to be written on his face.

“I have a feeling that even if I were to remember and live forever I would never know exactly how much you have done for me,” Arthur said.

Merlin shrugged. “I’m not keeping score.”

Arthur looked at him and then shook his head. He leaned in and kissed Merlin. Merlin felt himself sink into the pillows, the hard expanse of Arthur pressing him into the soft bed.

“Sometimes I could smack you,” Arthur said. “We could have had so much fun with your magic.”

“It’s not a toy,” Merlin told him. “Besides I had loads of fun with it.”

Arthur scowled and pulled away.

“Can I ask for something?” Merlin asked, his mouth turned into a half smile.

“Do you want money?” Arthur teased.

“I probably have more than you,” Merlin replied.

Arthur snorted. “What will I keep you with, then?”

“I’m sure your charming personality will be more than enough,” Merlin replied dryly, still a note of concern in his voice.

“What then?” Arthur asked.

Merlin reached up and placed with the hair at the nape of Arthur’s neck.

“It’s been a really long time,” Merlin said, stretching under Arthur. “I really like what we’ve been doing, but it’s been a really long time. I want more.”

Arthur looked at him quizzically.

“God, Arthur,” Merlin said. “Don’t make me beg. I’ve been thinking about this for literal centuries.”

Arthur’s face went blank. He swallowed. Merlin could feel him get hard against his leg. Merlin took that as encouragement to touch Arthur more.

“Please fuck me,” Merlin asked. It came out with more want laced in it than Merlin intended.

Arthur was stock still for what seemed like forever, before he let out a groan in the back of his throat and closed his eyes.

“I don’t ever remember wanting anything more,” Arthur said hoarsely.

Merlin’s hands came up, fingers digging into Arthur’s back

Arthur got up abruptly. He stood in the middle of the room, naked, half hard. He looked around with wild eyes. His eyes settled on Merlin, panic rising a little bit.

“I need…. I want…. But I don’t have,” Arthur said, hysterics coming a little into his voice. “Can you magic us stuff?”

“Don’t have to. Morgana packed for me,” Merlin said calmly.

Arthur jumped into bed, he was shaking a little.

“Do you want…? How should I…?” Arthur said, looking around, not seeming to know where to put his hands.

Merlin grabbed his hands and pulled Arthur to him.

Arthur kissed him again, hard and needy.

Merlin pulled away and laughed. “You’re overcompensating again.”

Arthur moved to Arthur’s ear, nipping at it.

“Fifteen hundred years of foreplay will do that to a person,” Arthur murmured. His mouth tasting at wherever he could reach with his mouth. His royal, perfect mouth sucking at Merlin’s sensitive skin, hands roaming and claiming.

Merlin arched into his mouth and hands.

“Is that what we’ve been doing?” Merlin asked, his breath catching on the end as Arthur’s fingers traced down over the soft inside of his hipbone. Arthur’s mouth was sliding down to nip at one of Merlin’s sensitive nipples.

Merlin had the coherence to mutter something as Arthur’s hand wrapped around his cock. The condoms and lube landed somewhere on the bed. Then he promptly forgot everything that was in his head as Arthur pushed one leg to his chest and licked over his balls to the crack between his legs.

There was no way that Merlin could remember how to breathe as Arthur’s tongue dipped lower and found the tight muscles of his hole. It had been so long since he had been touched.

Moans echoed through the room. Merlin didn’t even connect them to his own mouth, all he could do was feel Arthur’s tongue push into him, teeth scrape against the skin in the cleft of his ass, and lips plushly press against everywhere.

“Arthur,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur pressed a finger into Merlin and all Merlin could do was want more, to push against him. Arthur lifted up to reach for the tube and Merlin whined low in his throat at the loss of contact.

Arthur kissed his thigh and then pulled his fingers out. It made Merlin feel as if he wanted to cry. Then Arthur was back, slick fingers pressing against Merlin. Two breached him. Merlin gave a contented noise. It was more, but it wasn’t enough. Arthur nudged Merlin’s legs wider and rested his head on Merlin’s thigh.

He watched his fingers move in and out of Merlin. Arthur looked up at Merlin’s long body. It was straining, muscles cording and straining. His chest was heaving and his fingers were fisting in the sheets.

“Touch yourself,” Arthur said, his eyes glued to Merlin’s body.

Merlin let out a helpless noise, choking out sound. Arthur teased Merlin with another finger. With effort, Merlin untangled his hand and reached for his cock, which seemed to be wanting for attention and had been woefully neglected.

The sound of satisfaction as Merlin wrapped his hand around himself was so pleased that Arthur couldn’t take it any more. He kept his fingers in Merlin, pumped in and out, feeling the tight heat waiting for him.

He moved up Merlin and added another finger, taking Merlin’s lips. Merlin pulled back.

“Please,’ Merlin said, his voice wrecked. “Please Arthur, please.”

Arthur groaned. He removed his fingers and fumbled for the lube and condoms. Merlin watched him prepare, all the while his hand moved up and down his cock. Arthur couldn’t look away from Merlin, barely able to get ready. Merlin didn’t look away from Arthur’s cock.

“Please, Arthur,” Merlin pleaded.

Arthur moved over him and lined himself up. He looked into Merlin’s eyes.

“This is forever in the making,” Arthur said, as he slid in slowly, letting Merlin adjust, inch by inch.

Merlin grabbed at him. His magic bubbled up, wrapped around them. Merlin had never felt this close to anyone, had never felt as much a part of the world or anything as that moment when Arthur was inside of him.

It was more than too much. Arthur lost control his hips. There was no sense of rhythm or coherence. They were driven by feelings, the want and the need. Arthur thrust into him, and Merlin tried to find purchase on his sweat covered skin.

Noises and voices were all that was in the room. They arched and moved in want.

Arthur wrapped his hand around Merlin and began to move faster.

“Come for me, Merlin,” Arthur whispered. “Please come for me.”

Merlin whimpered, helpless to do anything except what Arthur commanded. He was lost to the feeling of fullness and headiness of the weight of everything coming crashing in on him. It was bliss and it was a place he didn’t want to leave.

But at Arthur’s urging he just let it all go. He let everything go and trusted that Arthur would be there to hold all the pieces together again. He came hot and with a power that blew the inside of his brain out. He came and the intensity of it all made him see gold behind eyelids that he couldn’t keep open any longer.

Arthur was wordlessly babbling into Merlin’s neck; the intensity of his thrusts sped up signifying that he had no control over it, that he was just acting because of need.

He came as Merlin’s orgasm clenched around him. He came and his brain shorted out.

They lay there for a time, regaining breath and power to their muscles.

Finally they lay there, staring at the ceiling.

Merlin waved a hand. Arthur looked down at himself. The condom and mess were gone.

He looked over at Merlin. “You can do that?”

Merlin let out a noise of assent.

“Why didn’t you do that yesterday?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged. “I just wanted to watch your ass.”

Arthur let out a snort and settled in next to Merlin. It really was a place that he never wanted to leave.

“Let’s just say fuck destiny this lifetime,” Arthur said sleepily. “Let’s run off to Bali.”

Merlin laughed. “I’m just the passenger. Where ever you want to go.”

“You’d let me just run off?” Arthur asked, sitting up a little and looking at Merlin.

Merlin shifted and lifted his head enough to rest it on his arms.

“I don’t think it works like that,” Merlin offered. “I don’t think that you have to be in a place or time. I used to, Kilgarrah made it sound like that, but I think maybe it doesn’t matter. You are who you are and that is what makes the difference. I think you’re just supposed to live.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “And what are you supposed to give to the world.”

Merlin’s mouth curved into a suggestive smile.

“This is a new development,” Arthur said. “We’ve never been like this before. Why did they give you to me? Why are you here?”

“I can go,” Merlin offered, not at all offended or making a move to go.

Arthur grabbed his arm, as if he were attempting to keep Merlin in the bed.

“So there’s your answer,” Merlin said sleepily. “I’m here to keep you company, so you don’t get lonely.”

“And who will keep you from getting lonely?” Arthur sighed.

“You will live,” Merlin said with a yawn. “That has been and will always be enough. If I exist still, then I know you’re coming back.”

“And I have you,” Arthur whispered on the edge of sleep.

“For what it’s worth,” Merlin murmured.

Arthur stroked Merlin’s back. “I think I’m going to be okay.”

“You always will,” Merlin told him with certainty.

“I know,” Arthur said.

Merlin’s breath started to fall into the rhythms of sleep.

“Thank you, Merlin.”

&&

EPILOGUE

Merlin lounged on the couch in the office, he had finally gotten Arthur to use the filing cabinets so there was now a place to sit. Arthur was reading something on his computer, making faces at it.

“I don’t think that I can do it,” Merlin said finally.

Arthur didn’t look up, he just waved a hand.

“Seriously, Arthur,” Merlin said, sitting up. “I can’t do it.”

Arthur looked up from his computer, pushed back from his chair, and looked at Merlin. He studied Merlin for a minute.

“I’ve seen you stand before Kings, Popes, Emperors, a Raj, savage warriors, highwaymen, the Countess of Burgundy, Knights, Sorcerers, battlefields, pirates, and Morgana angry. You’ve never broken a sweat.”

Merlin looked over at him and sighed. “He still calls me the Welshman.”

“Still?” Arthur said raising his eyebrows. “You saved his life in Libya last week.”

“I know!” Merlin exclaimed. “And we’ve been together for six months. He knows we live together, but still I’m the Welshman. So you get it? I cannot go.”

Arthur laughed and stood up. “You are coming to Martinique for Christmas. It’s our tradition-Me, Dad, and Morgana. It’s always only family and you have to take a stand.”

Merlin seemed to think about it for a minute.

“I’d rather face the Countess of Burgundy again,” Merlin said dryly.

Arthur snorted. “Good luck finding a time machine.”

He began to pick up files and slip them into his bag.

“How much work do you have tonight?” Merlin asked, as if he wasn’t fully aware of the scope of Arthur’s work.

Arthur turned to him and gave him a look. “What is on the History Channel tonight that you want to heckle and I have to watch?”

Merlin tried to look innocent. “It’s not the History Channel.”

Arthur gave him a look.

“The Borgias,” Merlin finally answered.

“Dear lord, it isn’t real,” Arthur pointed out. “It’s made up.”

“How would you know?” Merlin countered. “You weren’t alive then. You need to know exactly how inaccurate it was.”

“You got into a discussion about the stitching and fabric last time we watched that,” Arthur sighed. “It was hours about how awful the clothes were, which I do remember. I died shortly before and I’m sure they didn’t figure out how to make things more comfortable in twenty years.”

“But it’s so funny,” Merlin said defensively. “And so wrong.”

Merlin stood, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. Arthur tried not to smile at him.

“Let’s grab some food, go home, do work, so you can point out the inaccuracies of TV shows,” Arthur said.

“Brave man,” Gaius said, appearing at the door, “to watch television with Merlin. You must really love him.”

Arthur made a noise that really didn’t sound like it meant anything.

“Gaius,” Merlin said, ignoring the jabs. He turned and looked at Arthur. “If we’re doing family Christmas, then Gaius needs to come. He’s my family.”

“I have plans,” Gaius said smoothly.

Merlin turned on him. “Doing what?”

Gaius was unable to come up with anything quickly.

“So you will come, because you’re the closest thing that I have to family,” Merlin barreled on. “And I need a buffer between me and Uther.”

“And Morgana, who is going to continue her campaign to steal Merlin away from me,” Arthur snickered.

At Merlin’s look he added, “Professionally. She wants you to work for her women’s charity, which you aren’t going to do.”

Gaius breathed deeply.

Merlin just grinned and with great flourish he put on his jacket. “So it’s settled then.”

Arthur stood up and put away his computer.

“It is,” he said, moving towards the door. “Let’s go home and find something neutral to watch.”

“Arthur, there are just so many historical inaccuracies in this world,” Merlin almost whined. “They must be known.”

Arthur paused and then a resigned look passed over his face.

“The sword in the stone thing,” Arthur said slowly. “That was total bullshit, wasn’t it?”

Merlin gave him a grin.

“My life is a lie,” Arthur sighed, picking up his stuff.

“Your life is your life,” Merlin said, nudging him with his shoulder.

Arthur tried to look sternly at Merlin. Merlin just laughed as they walked out the door.

Merlin followed him out the door. He was already flailing his arms about, talking about something. Arthur was trying to look bothered, but the corner of his mouth was quivering with the effort it took not to smile.

Gaius just watched them leave.

&

This wasn’t the end; that was something that hadn't been written yet.

This was just the next part.

But it was how it would always be.

The King and his Sorcerer.

The Statesman and his Magician.

The Prince and the Servant.

The Warrior and the Gifted.

Arthur and Merlin.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first foray into Merlin fic. It was so much fun. When an idea grabs me I just go along for the ride.
> 
> So fun fact, that was just too crazy to fit into the story: Merlin's first time with another man was with the rather charming Lord Byron in Hawaii. The dates all work out and history says it is possible. It was just too much cheese and too much to go into in an already long fic. It destroyed the pacing. But it is my head canon.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for "There Is No Road Map To Your Life" by truelyesoteric](https://archiveofourown.org/works/912106) by [La_Temperanza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Temperanza/pseuds/La_Temperanza)




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